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Hey everyone, I left (detail removed by moderator) and he already has someone new! He’s putting her and him in bed together on his social media etc, heart breaking. This whole process is just so horrible. He couldn’t have loved me at all. I lie in bed and think how alone I am and can’t help but torture myself that they are probably all cuddled up and laughing and joking etc. Makes me sick to my stomach.
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I’m so sorry. The way I see it now is that she can have him! You know better and in time you too will be happy. Please hang in there. I also have moments when I suddenly remember my whole marriage was based on his lies. If he had been honest, no one would have him! It’s a horrible time to go through but this too will pass and you will only be thankful you’re away and safe from him. x
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Its horrid H, shows us that he sees us all as ‘a woman’ – the weaker gender, there to service my needs – it’s not much consolation, but a mysogynist hates himself for ‘needing’ a woman, he actually can’t take care of himself, needs her to do it for him because he’s inadequate – from time to time he is reminded of this and it leaves him with self loathing, contempt and disgust for the self. He may hate women underneath, but this also means he hates himself x
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She might be happy but I promise you he’s not or he wouldn’t be trying to still hurt you. Block him off all social media, don’t look, tell people who love you not to talk about it. I tend to find if I’m having the time of my life I rarely have time to update social media….im too busy enjoying myself. Stop looking and logout social media is horrendous for keeping up good mental health x
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You can get through this, honestly you can! Just keep posting what’s on your mind….every few minutes if you need to. He’s taken so much from you don’t let him have everything. I know it feels impossible to breathe through pain even at times. But I promise you if you keep at it you’ll see the day when he does the same to her. It’s not you it’s him……dont let him have everything you deserve to be here and be happy and you can have that….but you’ve got to be here to see that day. I’m sending over lots of safe hugs and cuddles. Take care lovely one 💖💖
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Hi Happiermex
I just wanted to show you some support, I’m sorry to hear about your situation. It’s good to see that you have had lots of supportive replies.
It is understandable for you to be feeling hurt at the moment. You have done the right thing by blocking him. This is the time to start focusing on yourself now, as you deserve to be happy. I was wondering if you have any support in place from your local service? https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/
You could also phone Samaritans if you are feeling low.
Take care and please keep posting to let us know how you are doing,
Lisa
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With love and support and the right help you can be back on track. It’s a rocky road ahead but give it a chance. Honestly that’s where I’m up to at the moment. It seems to be working. If it does great….if it doesn’t I know I’ve tried my hardest and done everything I can and everything the professionals have told me to do. You owe yourself at least that honey…..he’s not worthy of your time let anything else 💖 stay safe lovely x
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Hi Happiermex
Keep sharing and seek help. I know what you mean, it is an actual physical pain, and it hurts so much. I had trained myself to imagine not having to wake up with him using my body, being vile all day again so thinking of suicide became an escapist strategy as I couldn’t see I’d get out any other way. But then I found courage I didn’t know I had and I did get free with my children. And then afterwards I can remember when I felt I couldn’t get through another night of the pain of it, so many thoughts, no feelings, just pain, but I was free by then so felt I should be ecstatic so then told myself was failing at being free now! I couldn’t do or feel much at all as I was so damaged and the chemicals in my brain from the stress and anxiety of years of his terrorism of me had to re-calibrate. This happened for weeks. But it got better gradually. Still hurts sometimes, but it’s much better. I’m doing the Recovery Toolkit which follows the Freedom Programme once you are free and it is brilliant.
You’re allowed to feel less than perfect, you need time to heal. Little steps. You can do this x
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I know this pain too, honestly it gets better with time, as you improve your ability to focus on your own needs and spend less and less time thinking about him.
Abusers commonly go from relationship to relationship, often with more than one woman at the same time. Emotionally they’re damaged beyond repaid, and incapable of progressing a relationship beyond the early honeymoon stage where they shower the woman with attention.
After that stage they just start treating the new partner badly, and it goes downhill from there.
You could research stages of a relationship, there are 4 or 5 I believe, they can’t get past stage 1 or 2.
Just hang in there and be patient with yourself. -
Thank you all so much! I came to stay with my mum last night with my little girl as the company helps, my mind is such a mess! I left and felt good about it for a while, but it’s like my brain has suddenly gone wild and everything has just crashed! Also this new person I just feel he’s leaving me alone which is great but he’s still making me feel worthless and mugging me of to everyone. So he’s still managing to hurt me. I’m hoping as time passes it will get better I hate these feelings of suicide. I have a little girl who I adore and would never want to leave her. But this pain and confusion is over powering at times and I suppose you just want it to stop. The hurt to stop.
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Have you spoken to your gp about these extreme feelings sweetness? I think you probably need to if you’re thinking ahead a bit like that. The traumatise us that’s why we feel like we don’t matter enough to stay here.it’s a hard thought telling someone but honestly it’s the best thing you can do for yourself. It takes time and you need to allow yourself that. Not being here for your daughter would last her whole lifetime so give yourself 3 months to work out if it’s what you really want. I don’t think that’s too much to ask to see if you can bear it any better after a few months….you owe yourself a chance lovely one x
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My gp has given me tablets to help they take time to kick in though, but staying positive that they will help in time. Thank you all for your support I look on here as soon as I get up to help find the motivation to get out of bed everyday. I can’t thank you enough! Hopefully in time these horrid feelings will pass and I will remember who I am and what I love etc. Right now I am numb and trying to stay away from doing something stupid x
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I know those feelings too well. I think that you’re probably in panic mode all day and night but you feel it more at those times because you’re trying to rest. You’ve been trained to always feel in danger. If you go onto YouTube there’s deep relaxation with the lightstream I use Michael paterson but there’s some other versions. I find the healing light really helps sometimes when I wake up like that. You’re suffering from trauma and it is deep suffering you’re going through which is why we can physically feel its weight. Stay safe lovely one x
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Thank you all for the support in your reply’s, I guess it’s just a time thing.
Everyday feels so bad right now I can’t wait to come out the other side, Iv come to live with my mum for a few days as the house seems to make me so much more depressed. I’m not sure if this is wise or not because I’m just putting it of but the house makes me feel even worse. To many memories. Hoping the panic attacks etc and these dark thoughts go away soon and I feel good about myself and remember and I am worthy! I left him and blocked him of everything so I do have abit of strength. I think he met this girl and it’s just shocked me and winded me -
Google triangulation in domestic abuse. Mine did the same. Got a gf, posted it all over Facebook, while we were still together, tried to rub my nose in it and make me jealous so I’d come running back. He got a real shock when I ran to a solicitor instead. They all plaster it all over social media. Most people take time to recover and reflect after a break up then keep a new relationship private for a while but he’s just a typical shallow abuser, there’s no bond their either. It’s just a big show for attention and by denying him that attention he will be going mad. The biggest punishment for these men is to be ignored. My family and friends were appalled by his behaviour and saw right through him, the only person he’s mugging is himself. This part is like breaking an addiction and it really is cold turkey for a while but you will get through this and if you can process it now, you can move on. It’s going to take time. Be your own best friend and keep posting. We have all been there and you won’t always feel this way. I’ve well and truly moved on and he’s still the same selfish, nasty little man. The kind of low life that hurts women. Even in jail they’re looked down on x
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It’s so lovely to hear the stories of people out the other side! It really does inspire me and remind me I will survive this.
I know there is no way back and I have maintained the no contact. The pain is unreal hence moving in with my mum and it’s affected me mentally to. But I will keep reading the replies and the stories on here for a positive outlook and to remind myself I will get through this. -
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The day I finally left for the last time, my abusive partner couldn’t be more helpful and asked me if I was sure it was what I wanted and that he loved me but if we broke up it would be my decision. Then as I left he told me he was seeing someone else (and it was true because he added their relationship and photos of them to his social media account that same day!) Naturally I have blocked all contact but it just goes to show it’s part of the pattern. I never meant anything more than ego or resource supply. I’m so sorry you had to suffer that. My daughter and I have moved back in with my parents too while we recover. Much love x*x
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It’s the best thing to be surrounded by loved ones, it’s heart breaking when they move on quickly. I am in physical and emotional pain. I am on tablets to try and help ease the anxiety I wake up every morning and have a panic attack that it’s truly over and I’m on my own and he’s happy with someone else. It’s all to much at times. We were engaged for god sake. I know when I come out of this I will feel so much stronger and better but right now it’s the most awful thing Iv ever been through. I’m proud of you for leaving because that’s one of the hardest steps xx
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I’ve private messaged you Happiermex as I’ve only just seen this post and what has happened to you is the same. The pain is the same. My heart has broken again, even down to the pictures together in bed???! Is this a common theme/thing they do with new supply? What the heck. So so painful. But you arent alone xx
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Yes, it’s a very common thing for these men to do. Lots of the time they have a woman already in the background lined up. It just shows the complete lack of attachment or bond. It’s incredibly painful but I looked at it as just another form of abuse. Why wouldn’t they cheat and rub our noses in it when the rest of their behaviour has been appalling hurtful dysfunctional and often violent Nothing is off limits. Mine plastered it on Facebook. That’s how I found out and we were still together. They get enjoyment out of seeing the pain and chaos they cause. Don’t give him a reaction and come off all social media for a while x eventually you will realise this pathetic man isn’t worth your energy.
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