Viewing 7 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #119521
      Madmam
      Participant

      Yes, he is. About (detail removed by Moderator) days after he told me he had done some ‘soul searching’. Wow.

      I only went on to see was my hunch right. And it was.

    • #119524
      KIP.
      Participant

      Remember abusers are liars. Mine was already seeing someone while with me. Pleading and begging and offering to ‘get help’. For me to take him back. Crying and all the while planning a holiday with his new victim. It just goes to show how little bond there ever was. These men need a victim to feed off. They are parasites. Anyone vulnerable will do. Concentrate on zero contact and that includes looking online. He’s living in your head rent free when you do this. Good riddance to bad rubbish. You deserve better.

    • #119532
      Madmam
      Participant

      Thanks KIP.

      Yep I won’t contact him… No way.

      But amazing to think he was emailing me (detail removed by Moderator) days ago to say how much he missed me.

      I remember wondering whether he had moved on too quickly with me after his ex. If only I’d listened to my inner voice then, eh?

    • #119540
      KIP.
      Participant

      If only we had all listened to our inner voice. Abusers are superb actors and manipulators. I dread to think how many affairs my ex had. I was told to get an STI test by the police so that says everything really. Despicable men. Remember if you find out he’s dating again you can use Claire’s Law and ask the police to warn his new partner. You can also use it to find out if there’s a history of abuse.

    • #119606
      Dolly2019
      Participant

      The one thing you can guarantee is that while they are pleading and begging, they are lining up or sourcing a rebound. My ex did it to me. I felt suspicious that his ex, whom he claimed left him feeling “suicidal”, was only a few months off the scene. In that time he had ‘two other relationships…if you can call them that…’

      He jettisoned one of them as soon as he met me. Literally in her bed one minute and mine within 2 days. They are locusts. They need someone, either to soothe their ego after being rejected or for the simple reason of food and hot water, in my ex’s case. They really are expert liars. There he was telling me I was the love of his life. The next thing I know, in an argument, he’s telling me he has people he can go to “today” and he’s “seriously thinking about it.”

      The threats using other women is despicable in my opinion, one of the worst things they do. It dehumanises and it isn’t love, no matter how much you want to believe it is.

      Let him go, stop looking at what he is doing, if you can, try finding a new hobby, plan for the future. It makes you feel sick, I know, but day by day time heals.

      X

    • #119612
      Empoweredhealing
      Participant

      Use this knowledge to strengthen your resolve and healing. Seeing your ex for who he is is essential to freeing your mind from the attachment. I think many of us hang on for too long because we are attach to the illusion of who they were.
      Also, I had the hardest time trying not to look at stuff about him online. But I knew I was healing when the idea of doing that simply had no appeal anymore. So I think it’s natural to want to look in the beginning (almost a compulsion). But eventually, you’ll feel the sweet relief of simply not being interested anymore. It’s wonderful, I promise.

    • #119621
      Madmam
      Participant

      Thanks everyone.

      I do feel a very strong urge to warn his future victims. Unfortunately I’m not in the UK so I don’t think there is a law like Claire’s law here. I’ll check though.

      The photo of him looking so sweet, innocent and trustworthy makes my stomach turn. Ugh.

    • #119627
      KIP.
      Participant

      A scheme to let people find out if their partner has a history of domestic violence has begun in (I’ve taken out your country)
      It means the public has a “right to ask” the PS to investigate if they are potentially at risk.
      A similar initiative, known as Clare’s Law, was introduced in England and Wales in 2014 and Scotland in 2016.
      It was named after Clare Wood, a mother who was murdered by her violent ex-boyfriend in 2009.

Viewing 7 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ Jobs

EXIT SITE

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account