He’s regularly criticising me

[Put the kettle on]

My partner is often insinuating that I’m fat/overweight – I’m not. I’m not stick thin but I’m certainly not overweight. He has regular digs at me over it. He asks what I’m eating/my workout regime. He says how pretty other women are. He does sometimes say I’m pretty too.

I’m feeling more and more that our plan’s are revolving around his wants and needs. He is on the spectrum so there are restrictions to what he can do and it could affect if he’s blunt/direct.

I don’t know if I’m being oversensitive

[Sad and alone]

Have you asked him not to make these comments, or told him how they are making you feel? His reaction would be a good indicator as to what’s going on. I’m not that familiar with people who are on the spectrum, I do understand that it can make emotions and feelings difficult to deal with or express. However this shouldn’t be used as an excuse to say things that make you upset.

[Put the kettle on]

Yes I’ve told him multiple times and he just says he’s joking

[Bananaboat]

Have a read of Lundy Bancroft’s book ‘why does he do that’ can find free pdfs online or buy a copy. Comparing us to others, criticising us, controlling what we wear or eat are red flag behaviours because they make you doubt yourself, damage your confidence and introduce his control.

Is he formally or self diagnosed with those conditions? Not to sound mean but abusers have been known to say they have one of these conditions to ‘excuse’ their behaviour and stop us from saying that’s not ok. Another thing to watch out for is how he treats others – is he saying to coworkers or people he knows they’re fat or making digs to them, or is this behaviour only used on you away from others? Mental health conditions are less likely to be selective whereas abusers target you and know what they’re saying. The book is a great help x

 

[Sad and alone]

Second @Bananaboat regards Lundy Bancroft’s book. I’ve started reading it recently and have found some of the info really resonates. It may be that it helps you work out what’s going on.

If you’ve told him many times that he’s upsetting you and he still does it then it’s definitely a red flag. Would you do the same to him? I doubt it. Saying something is a joke when it’s not, and they know you don’t see it as a joke, is gas-lighting behaviour.

[Hereforhelp]

Hi,  you have told him multiple times and he is still continuing to put you down, he is making a choice to do so.

He knows you do not find it funny (he also knows it isn’t a funny thing to say)… so he is continuing because he wants to.

You are not being oversensitive.  The changing plans to revolve around his own wants and needs is his entitlement, this is also a red flag.

 

Keep posting xx

[Put the kettle on]

Thank you for the replies. I’m still experiencing the same situation with him. I’m getting indirect insults whilst being told how pretty other women are.

He has been officially diagnosed. I still don’t understand how after it repeatedly causes arguments that he still says these things. I suppose the flip side is after so many arguments about the same issue why have I stayed with him.

 

I do feel like there is gaslighting going on at the moment, with other issues. Telling me I said something yet I know it’s not a conversation we’ve had.

He comments on others appearances good and bad but I don’t think he says it to their face. He had (detail removed by Moderator) and feel a lot gets projected onto me.

 

 

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