12th January 2016 at 9:38 pm #7637White RoseParticipant
Had a lot of messages both text and email in last week or so. Simply saved them and have not responded.
He’s told me our child texted him to say she couldn’t meet him because I had been upset over something she’d done.
I confronted her, probably wrongly but I needed to know. She was puzzled but not angry. Pulled her phone out and went through the texts between her and her dad with me. Absolutely no mention of me in there. Absolutely no excuses made about his suggestion to meet just a clear message saying sorry I can’t meet you at the moment (what she actually means is she won’t see him but she’s too scared to say).
He accuses me of not answering his questions but when I ysed to he disagreed and denied I had responded despite messages clearly showing I had. This I’d one of the reasons i have no contact except over daughter’s ongoing health problems but even then he doesn’t really care.
He’s absolutely crazy and out of control and I’m furious he’s using our daughter and making out Im preventing contact. It’s just more of his continuing enotional abuse.
I’m tempted to go to police again but am at a really sensitive stage in divorce negotiations and am scared if I report this he’ll slow things and obstruct more than he is now. Plus I’m an emotional wreck without having mors things to add to my stress.
Don’t know what to do for the best.
Any help grarefully received. Thanks x*x
13th January 2016 at 11:38 am #7670LisaMain Moderator
I am sorry you are having such a stressful time. I just wanted to show you some support and to say that you are doing brilliantly. Keep doing what you are doing, he is determined to get a rise out of you and so please keep strong and remain no contact. He is probably getting desperate and that is why he is now trying to use your daughter to get a reaction from you.
Perhaps you could consider blocking his number completely from your phone and ask a friend to open any emails that supposedly relate to child contact so that she can tell you the content only relating to child contact so that you are protecting yourself? Please do report him to the Police on 101 if any of his contact is aggressive or threatening at all.
Keep getting plenty of support from your local Women’s Aid group and from here. You are doing brilliantly.
13th January 2016 at 12:37 pm #7673SerenityParticipant
Hi White Rose,
You are mid-divorce, and he is feeling desperate as he isn’t in complete control. He is grasping at straws, desperate to find something to use against you. It’s all mind games.
Thing is, you are very vulnerable at the moment. Divorce is a very unsettling time and there are lots of twists and turns in the process which can leave you feeling upset and emotional. He is hoping to catch you at a weak moment, so that something will implode! In his dreams, you will say or do something to put yourself right in it and so he ends up with everything. These bullies need to win and to destroy those who stand up to them.
I agree with Lisa, that you definitely need to go no contact. This will shield you and help you feel that you have some armour to cope. Can a friend take over reading the emails just for now?
I am concerned that he is like my ex, and will be trying anything to break you or to ruin your reputation at this stage. You need to protect yourself with distance.
13th January 2016 at 4:16 pm #7684White RoseParticipant
Yes it is all about control.
I’ve got a cheap PAYGO phone for his texts – I look once a day to see if any messages then decide whether to open them. So far I’ve ignored them and that’s probably why I have so many emails.
I have arranged to automatically forward his emails onto an alternative email address where they go into a specific folder and the original gets deleted so they don’t bounce up in my face constantly. I can chose whether to open the forwarded ones at another time, and I can retrieve and reply from the original account as I refuse to let him know my main “social email address.” I can’t ask a friend to read as although they are supporting me the content of the messages is not something I want them to read.
I’m terrified to go back to police as I think he’ll just up the aggro as regards divorce and finances. My solicitor has said she is amazed I stuck him as long as she’s never come across anyone quite so cruel and so crazy. She’s spoken to his solicitor informally and has been told that the solicitor “simply writes what my client tells me to as I cannot get him to understand”, rumour has it he may lose his solicitor soon as a result of inappropriate actions – not quite sure what that is!
I’ve already had to give up so much and am contemplating simply forgetting the rest, let him have the lot, so I can move forward. He’ll be so well off which is all he ever wanted and I think saw me as his ticket to this. I’ll be working till I’m 75 but at least I’ll be free of him. He’ll just be a miserable, sad, lonely old man whose family want nothing to do with him. I hope he’s made a funeral plan as if he hasn’t none of us are paying!
I’m really worried about the impact on our daughter. She has a really serious medical problem requiring regular hospital treatment, as well as past significant mental health problems. She’s cried a lot over the last 2 weeks, is having nightmares, says she feels in limbo, wants us to get a house of our own and get out of rented accommodation, she’s strictly no contact with him, through her choice, but he still tries to contact her periodically. She’s old enough to choose and I respect her choice, he doesn’t!
I really thought things would have been better this number of months on but they actually feel worse.
How long is it till 2017?
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