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    • #170310
      Lizardlady
      Participant

      Hi, I haven’t posted in while but I really need some help and advice

      He accused me of cheating again on (detail removed by Moderator), I told him to go and threatened to ring the police as he was shouting at me and wouldn’t let me speak.

      He got emergency accommodation from the council and told them that it’s me who is the abusive one

      I’m worried sick now in case they believe him. He’s also contacted a domestic abuse charity for men

      Does anybody have any experience of this? What can I do to prove it’s him and not me who is the perpetrator?

      Thank you

    • #170341
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Lizardlady,

      It is, unfortunately, quite common for abusers to turn accusations on their non-abusive partners like this, you’re definitely not alone in having this happen. It’s understandably very upsetting and worrying for him to be telling these lies about you. The law around housing and domestic abuse means that the council are told to believe people coming to them experiencing domestic abuse without asking for proof of this, but they shouldn’t be contacting you in any way or asking you to prove that he’s the perpetrator. Domestic abuse services specialise in domestic abuse and it’s likely they will be able to identify what’s really happening here. Again though, even if they can’t, they shouldn’t be getting in touch with you. It’s really uncomfortable and distressing to have your perpetrator make these claims about you but you shouldn’t be made to prove yourself. Do you have support for yourself in place at the moment? If not, you might want to reach out to your local domestic abuse service.

      Take care and keep posting,
      Lisa

    • #170347
      Lizardlady
      Participant

      Hi Lisa,

      thank you for replying, it does help to calm my mind to know that I won’t be questioned by the council about what he’s told them.

      He’s also trying to make our adult children believe that he is the victim. Our eldest daughter who is (detail removed by Moderator) lives here and she’s not speaking to me because of it but she’s speaking to him and making sure he’s OK etc, I feel very alone.

      He’s told me that I can’t make him leave because we have a joint tenancy, he said we’re over and he’ll stay (detail removed by Moderator) and me (detail removed by Moderator) while he finds a place of his own.

      I don’t think he has any intention of doing this though, it’s just another way to control and manipulate and I think he’s hoping he will push me to the point where I’ll leave instead.

      I can’t do this as I have nowhere to go and I have my son ((detail removed by Moderator)) who is autistic and relies on me for everything and there’s no way I’ll leave him.

      I wondered if I could get help from women’s aid face to face with someone in my local area to help me with sorting things out?

      Not sure if it’s possible, but I just need support and advice on what I can possibly do to get his name off the tenancy so I can then ask him to leave?

      Any help would be very much appreciated

      Thank you so much

    • #170352
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Lizardlady,

      Our organisation is a national service and we’re not able to provide that kind of ongoing local support. However, you should be able to access it from your local domestic abuse service. You can find their details by searching on our service directory here: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/womens-aid-directory

      You could also contact our Live Chat service where you can speak with a Support Worker about your options and they can provide you with the contact details for your local service. The Live Chat is open 8am – 6pm Monday – Friday and 10am – 6pm weekends and bank holidays, here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk

      I think you’re seeing his intentions clearly, so getting some specialist support would be a good next step.

      Take care and keep posting,
      Lisa

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