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    • #135149

      Hi everyone. Not posted in a while so I’ll give update. He’s out house and has restraining order. Still abuses via other ways. I’m struggling. So many different directions my emotions go. I feel so deflated. Long years to be ended like this. I’m heartbroken and trying to heal but it’s very difficult. Tonight I’ve broken my heart crying. Dunno how I’ll ever recover and trust again but early days

    • #135150

      Hi my lovely,

      My heart goes out to you. Having a really good cry – like you’ve never done before – can be very therapeutic. It’s good just to let it all out in the privacy of your own home.

      There will be ups and downs for a while yet but this raw grief will pass. Don’t be afraid to let it take it’s course and treat yourself with love, kindness and care.

      Sending hugs. xx

      • #135165

        Thank you. You all do so amazing. I don’t post anymore but I’m around. His sentencing isn’t over yet. It’s been split in 2. Will see what happens but at the moment he’s taking everyone in abuser and he’s broken by his trauma blah blah. Just doesn’t end for me. This is our first Christmas without him and I’m wanting to make it really good for children. It’s gonna be weird Christmas without police

    • #135152

      Hello, yes True, do try not to be afraid of crying.
      Sounds like you have chosen to be strong for a long time so perhaps it’s time to weep.

      You have done so well to get him out of house and restraining order.

      It has been a big push.

      Hope you managed to get some sleep.

      Virtual hug if needed.

      • #135166

        You have no idea how much I need a hug. I’m alone here with my dog and children but the dynamics have changed. So it’s just me and th pressure gets too much. I hear his voice most of the day cos daughter has speaker on. I know it sounds really pathetic but I do need a hug. Just so much evil. I do have good people in my life but they are like professional ppl and some from here. Thank you

    • #135168

      You’re welcome.
      In that case another hug from me.
      And don’t forget to give one to your dog.

      The main thing you are out.

      We are spending a very peaceful Sunday. DD doing her home work etc.
      Me. putting a wash on. Checking through the finances and budgeting.
      Eating a chicken soup I made for myself.

      No one to argue with.
      No one to tell me what to do.

      This is your new life. Something better.
      .It is as you say, very scary to look evil in the
      face. Many people don’t get that.
      But you’ve done it. You are still here. You go out.

      Ordinary things are very important for a sense of security for you and your kids.

      The value of everyday chores. Things being clean, clothes cleaned ready for Monday morning.

      I was feeling really yuck the past two days because of jab but I feel okay now.

      Try to cherish the peace in your household. And the love.

    • #135169

      Sorry about the sentencing being split in two. That’s hard.

      First Christmas by yourselves is very important.
      It does defintiely not need to be expensive, but be mindful of creating new and lovely Christmas traditiosn for your new start…i.e..

      Just a thought..
      Decorating the tree together…?
      Baking Christmas cookies?

      Going to see Christmas lights?

      Even if you are that way inclined…midnight mass or church on Christmas Morning?
      You may not be religious but it is somewhere to go isn’t it/

      Carol singing?

      If you are not Christian there may be other things…
      the solstice on the twenty first. Others can advise…?

    • #135170

      Oh and don’t forget the original Christmas Story was a story of a pregnant woman seeking refuge from an oppressive state and finding refuge in a barn…where things were simple but safe…

      Amongst the glitz people forget that Mary and Joseph were refugees seeking refuge…

      • #135207

        Thank you. All that made me smile. Just now he is still abusing us but putting that to the side just now…we are living very strange life just now. Can’t have noise, no tvs on, we have to put ear defenders on and scared to go out. Also don’t wanna go out. Lock the door and stay in my bedroom. My children have turned into my parents. They tell me off and things. It’s so hard and I’ve lost All happiness although someone did say some ideas today that might help. I’m just stuck but they say I’m going forward but I don’t think so. He thinks I’m playing games with my lawyer against him, so he’s doing the same. Only thing is I’m doing nothing with lawyer. All in his head. I’m too heartbroken to even try. She is sorting divorce though

    • #135223

      Hey true to myself you’ve done amazing getting yourself and your kids out. You are so brave for reporting. Keep on reporting any abuse to police no matter how small. Crying is normal you have been through so much let the tears flow and sending a hug. Lean on the professionals involved for support and keep posting here. This is a safe place no one has walked in anybody else’s shoes fully. You are not alone I know how hard you are working to keep everyone safe have been on very similar shoes. Keep going – it gets easier x*x

    • #135225

      This is a safe and supportive site for victims and vulnerable women.(detail removed by Moderator) Compassion and support is what’s needed.

    • #135226

      Being in an abusive relationship when you also have children will effect the children. Even once the abuser has gone as you can see the damage they have done not only to yourself but our children, including indirectly.
      My children are massively impacted, I separated some months ago and both my children have developed mental health problems for which I am seeking help for them.
      Truetomyself, our son, when his father does phone him, will also put his phone on speaker phone, just hearing my husbands voice triggers me!
      You have done so well, you are going ahead with divorce and doing the best you can do on your own… you are awesome and this IS a safe place.
      Keep posting, we are here for you, you are not alone.. Big virtual hugs ❤❤

    • #135229
      Wants To Help

      Hi True2Myself,

      Please keep posting. This is a safe forum, the site does not require full names and addresses to sign up to it and there is no way the moderators know who you are in order to report you to any of the services. Goodness, there are times I’ve read on here where ladies really are in urgent need of police intervention for their own safety and we are all powerless to act in order to protect her. Rightly or wrongly, that is not what this forum is for. It is a safe place to seek help and support anonymously.

      It sounds to me like you are doing all of the right things to protect yourself and your children. No matter what we do, an abuser who is insistent on continuing to abuse will still do so, often because they are driven by The Revenge Cycle – Rage, Retaliation, Revenge. If he is contacting you then it may be worth you calling the police to report his breach of the RO. I know that continuing to report to the police and keep making statements is hard work and draining, adds to the stress levels we’re already under and sometimes makes us feel like we are pestering the police, but it is the way to go. A build up of breaches does lead to a prison sentence.

      All you can do is take one day at a time and deal with/cope with whatever that day brings.

      I hope today is a better day for you than yesterday, sending you a big hug x

    • #135234

      I’ve sent you a PM x

    • #135261

      Thank you everyone. Sorry just getting to reply now.

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