Hey, looking for help with self esteem

[Bestrong2]

Hey all, I’m new here. I hope you’re all doing OK. I’ve been struggling, coping and managing with what I now see as abuse for a number of years now. My husband is an alcoholic and has serious mental health issues. He has sought help and I believe that is why I am staying with him. I’m really unsure about a lot of things right now. Not sure what I want, not sure how I feel. Is it abuse? That sort of thing. I’ve realised that I feel very lonely and isolated but want to make some positive steps to change this. Does anyone know of any self esteem/confidence boosting classes we can attend?

[Strongenough]

Hi Bestrong2

I am also pretty new here but just wanted to reply to you and show you some support. I paid to do the freedom programme online in was £12 and it really helped me with clarity and to process my situation. Unfortunately I don’t know of any classes but there are many more ladies on here who may be able to give you advice. I would recommend contacting your local women’s aid for advice and see what they can offer. Xx

[Wants To Help]

Hi bestrong2,

Welcome to the forum.

You mention that your husband is an alcoholic and has MH issues? Whilst I accept that living with someone with one of these things is not easy, neither of them make someone an abuser. I should imagine that some of his behaviours towards you amount to domestic abuse, otherwise you wouldn’t have found your way to this forum, so your husband could be three things; an alcoholic, a man with MH issues AND an abuser. Please do not allow yourself to believe that the alcohol and MH issues are a JUSTIFIABLE REASON for him to abuse you – they are not.

The fact that he has taken responsibility for this and sought help is a positive step on his side, but if his behaviour to you makes you feel unhappy, uncomfortable, threatened, miserable etc then this ‘help’ is not actually making any difference is it? You may feel obligated to stay with him and put up with this because he is ‘ill’, but you really don’t have to. The marriage vows of “in sickness and in health, for better or for worse” have never been updated since they were written and really don’t apply in this day and age. ‘Sickness’ does not substitute for ‘abuse’ and neither does ‘worse’.

With regards to courses, there is still very little in face to face support going on at the moment in most areas due to ‘Covid’, but there is the Freedom Programme that you can do online. Lots of ladies have found this very beneficial. I did a 10 week course on something similar which was a group meet up each week and found it really helpful.

If you have a TV with lots of channels then it’s worth having a look at the TED Talks channel. These have hundreds of talks from motivation speakers about all sorts of topics and you may well find some helpful talks on there. Likewise with YouTube.

If you Google ‘Assertiveness Classes’ there are courses you can enrol on if there are some that are run near you. In my area there are one to one classes you can sign up to with someone who does ‘zoom’ meetings on assertiveness but these can be costly.

Hope this helps 🙂

xx

[Bestrong2]

Hi wants to help,

Thank you, after talking with a counsellor recently it has become apparent that there is evidence of abuse which I am finding difficulty processing.

I will google assertiveness classes and join the freedom program xx

[Bestrong2]

Hi strongenough, thank you. I did see the freedom programme but thought it was for course leaders. Silly me. I will look more into it this week. Thanks again xx

[nbumblebee]

Hey,
I dont know about self esteme or confidence classes to be honest I wouldnt have the guts to attend any myself so I have recently started affirmations.
Just a few each morning say them out loud then i also say them throughout the day when im feeling low.
Just things like.
I am enough
I am not to blame
I will survive
You may think of others you could say
I am clever
I am kind
Whatever you choose make them positive then say them out loud over and over again.
I dont know if it will work but hey its worth a try. Xxxx

[orangefrog]

Hey, similar to nbumblebee – I am trying affirmations (only done it once!). My counsellor suggested writing them down, since there is something about the action of writing that makes the affirmation stronger. The one time I did it I had a wonderful lightbulb moment. Why I haven’t done it again, I don’t know! I’ll do it now. I’ll also google assertiveness classes. Thank you for posting Bestrong2 – thinking of you xx

[Bestrong2]

Sounds positive. I’ll give it a try. Thanks orangefrog xx

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