Hi

[Bluetoffee]

Hi. I joined the forum a few weeks ago and deleted my account after posting as I felt guilty. My partners behaviour had become more aggressive since we moved out together,breaking and smashing things and threatening me, but he had never hit me. (detail removed by moderator). He has had notable mental health problems lately and never used to behave this way. We have been together (removed by moderator) years and this has only just started happening. He swears he is going to get help and has been very lovely and apologetic. I guess I just need advice, I am so confused. Thank you for any help xx

[Lisa]

Hi Bluetoffee,

I just wanted to offer some support, and to check in to see how you’re doing? You have nothing to feel guilty about; it’s a really positive thing that you’re reaching out for support; and you wouldn’t have to be reaching out for support if he wasn’t being aggressive.

It’s important to remember that the abuser is always responsible for their behaviour; it’s quite common for perpetrators to blame what they’re doing on mental health problems but they are choosing to act this way.

It’s also understandable why you’d be feeling confused; perpetrators can be manipulative and sometimes will apologise as a tactic to make you stay or feel like you need to help them through their ‘issues’.

If you need to speak to a Women’s Aid worker you can contact someone via the live chat (Mon – Fri 10am – 12pm): https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

Whatever you decide to do next please do keep reaching out for help; you’re not doing anything wrong by doing this,

Lisa,
Forum Moderator

[fizzylem]

Hello BT welcome to the forum; sounds like you’re playing it down, trying to normalise things – we do this in the early days and hope it will get better; thing is, it rarely if ever does, it usually only gets worse, there may be some let up for periods now and then but it’s unlikely it will get better or go away.

Have to agree with Lisa, mental health difficuties are not and excuse for violent behaviour. There are lots of people struggling with their mental health that don’t lash out. Poor mental health or nor, difficulties in life or not – there is no excuse for abuse.

So sorry to read you are going through this, when you have not long been living together too, a time that should be fun and enjoyable for you. Keep posting and ring the helpline for support and advice x

[Bluetoffee]

Thank you both for the replies. Yes I do bbelieve it is getting worse. I was injured in the face not too long ago. He has apologised but continues to talk to me very badly and has aggressive outbursts. I suffer with anxiety problems and I guess I am afraid to be alone. He has also recently made comments regarding our sex life and how it is not enough for him. He says these things, then we make up, then he takes it all back a day later and continues to make me feel sad and confused. I just don’t want to lose him

[Author]

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