Viewing 13 reply threads
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    • #118637
      Rhinogirl
      Participant

      I’ve just joined and I’m really not in a good place. I’ve been struggling for months with abuse from an ex – physical, mental, sexual, emotional. I’ve split from him and he still is controlling and manipulative and covers I’ve. He assaults and abuses me most days and I can’t take anymore

      I’ve made contact with the police ( detail removed by moderator) and they made comments like (detail removed by moderator) and many other comments. This makes me feel like I can’t contact them and I’m meant to be suffering.

      I just don’t know anymore what to do. (detail removed by moderator).

    • #118638
      Hetty
      Participant

      Hi rhinogirl,
      I’m so sorry you are suffering in this way. You are not meant to be suffering. No one deserves this. Your ex sounds truly horrific and the response from the police is really not ok. I’m so glad you have found your way to this forum. It’s a very supportive place. Have you reached out to your local domestic abuse service about steps to keep this man away from you and the emotional support you need too? I’ve only just got out and am starting to realise the very strong pull to go back even though I know the relationship was abusive. Ending the relationship is one thing but keeping them away is another.
      Please don’t hurt yourself. You’ve hurt enough. There is hope but I can see right now it’s hard to see any other way.
      You’re so brave for reaching out. You’re not alone xx

    • #118639
      Watersprite
      Participant

      Hey rhinogirl welcome! I’m sorry to hear what a bad place you feel stuck in just now. The police response is just not ok and adds to the victimisation. Please do not let this put you off calling them again if you need assistance. Make a note of every contact from your ex it builds a pattern and police seem more able to respond then. You can get a non molestation court order without police contact the National Centre for Domestic Violence they helped get me an emergency order and it was scary but the best thing I did. Make contact with women’s aid to get support and a worker. It is worrying you are feeling so low but so understandable – sometimes even after leaving I feel I will never be free too. Please reach out for support your GP is a good starting point and the Samaritans. You deserve support and safety and freedom. It may be difficult but remember how brave you are to not be with him and this will pass it will get better. You are not alone – lots of us on here could have written your post and slowly slowly life gets better with good and bad days but slowly the good moments become hours days weeks. Keep posting lots of support here x

    • #118641
      Rhinogirl
      Participant

      I’ve tried to get a wa worker but they aren’t taking referrals at the min. Police have been shocking even saying that abuse from
      (detail removed by moderator)  isn’t relevant when I was trying to tell them what’s happened and build a picture for them.

      (Detail removed by moderator)

    • #118642
      Watersprite
      Participant

      You have been let down by him and others – please reach out for support call the Samaritans or if you are feeling unsafe ambulance services on 999. Call your GP tell them how you feel and Don’t let him win! You deserve support reach out again until you get it x

    • #118643
      Rhinogirl
      Participant

      I’ve not got anymore energy to give anymore

    • #118645
      GreenSapphire
      Participant

      Hi there,

      Just try to breathe deep breaths in and out. Put your bare feet onto the floor so you can feel the carpet or whatever the floor is under your feet and slowly breath in as deeply as you can and breathe the air out again slowly. Keep doing this for as long as it takes for you to feel a little calmer. This is a grounding technique which many of us use when we are feeling overwhelmed.

      No man is worth hurting yourself over or because of.

      Let’s concentrate on getting you a little calmer first and foremost and then everything else can be talked through and solutions and options found.

      x

    • #118646
      gettingtired
      Participant

      I’m so very sorry to hear of what you’re going through.
      Please reach out to Samaritans or you can text Shout to 85258 free of charge to speak to someone.
      None of this is your fault. We are all here for you on the forum xx

    • #118670
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Dear Rhinogirl,

      Please dial 999 and tell the ambulance service what you want to do.

      Your first priority is to get yourself safe.

      Hurting yourself like this will not stop him, the only person it will change is you and it will change you forever.

      There are ways that you can keep him away but for now, you need to get help to stay safe. There is a whole collective of ladies here who genuinely care about you and want you to be safe. Please dial 999. xx

    • #118672
      Rhinogirl
      Participant

      I’ve got through to today after another beating and I feel stuck and scared and not knowing what to do. I’ve tried my local dv service and they aren’t taking referrals at the minute. I could move into a refuge but that is scaring me cause I have cats as well. I can’t continue like this because I’m broken and my body is broken

    • #118673
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Rhinogirl

      I just wanted to show you some support, I can see that you have had some really supportive replies here already. I am sorry to hear about what you are going through, the way you are being treated is awful and you don’t deserve this.

      Please try to use our online chat service today to talk things through or call the National Domestic Abuse Helpline. You could also think about calling your GP today and asking for an emergency appointment.

      Going into a refuge may be a safe option, there are pet fostering services available and you can get some details about this if you have a chat to a support worker today online.

      Take care, we are all here for you,

      Lisa

    • #118701
      Rhinogirl
      Participant

      I’m just waiting to see if I can get on the online chat. Think I’ve got concussion from an incident on (detail removed by moderator). I’m feeling very groggy and have a very fuzzy head. Feeling very rubbish

    • #118749
      GreenSapphire
      Participant

      Hi Rhinogirl,

      I imagine you are feeling pretty awful. Have you managed to contact anyone yet?

      Let us know how you’re getting on and what progress you’re making with speaking to people x

    • #118801
      Circles
      Participant

      Hi Rhino Girl. Stay strong, you are twice the person he is.
      My solicitor suggested getting an occupancy order to remove my ex from the house and they couple this with a non molestation order which means he can’t contact you again
      If he has physically assaulted you then I would not hesitate to call 999, they can arrest him and keep him in custody overnight and then see whether they will grant bail.
      Have you any friends or family to confide in? Mine have been my salvation.
      Remember that he is the coward and you are the warrior.
      Believe in yourself and take baby steps. One day at a time. That’s how I dealt and still deal with it. Never thought I would be able to but I did.
      This forum is an amazing source of support to, I didn’t realise that my relationship was so abusive untill I read the boards on here and it was like reading about my own life.
      Abusers rely on isolating you, don’t let him.

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