This topic contains 4 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  fizzylem 1 week, 4 days ago.

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  • #97188
     GotToFallBeforeWeFly 
    Participant

    Hi Everyone,
    I’m new on here, unfortunately definitely not somewhere I thought I would be so many years down the line but my emotions are everywhere. My moods are unreal
    It all started one day when I met this lad. People had warned me away from him but I ignored their comments as I really thought he was the one
    Months later I fell pregnant and he decided his mates were a better options. (detail removed by moderator) went by and he still wasnt interested in OUR (MY) child’s life. Going into (detail removed by moderator) my child was with us and he all of a sudden wanted to try and work his way back into our lifes
    He would feed me with comments such as ‘I had a bad upbringing and I’ve realised what I’ve done’OR ‘What’s the point me been here I may as well kill myself’. Me been emotionally abused and blackmailed I let him back in our lifes. Several months later I just realised I couldn’t do. And from that day on my life has been a living hell. I get harassed continually all day every day and by harassment I mean 30/40 messages and 20 miss calls in the space of 10 minutes. I am followed wherever I go he always seems to find me. He hacked into my phone and started to get details and photos off my phone. He makes fake accounts on social media as well as email to try and catch me out in the hope oll say things go catch me out with finding someone else. He believes he cares about our child when he wont accept contact without me there
    Each day I take as it comes. One day I feel strong enough to fight on my own but other days I feel I have no battle left in me because of his constant blackmail and threats. He believes what he is doing is right.
    Sometimes I just need someone to talk to or rant at to make me feel strong and powerful enough all over again

  • #97198
     fizzylem 
    Participant

    Hey, this sounds like hell, could you ring 101 and ask for advice? The police are there to help and won’t do anything until you make a formal complaint, they will record your message but that is all and it is good that they do as this can be used as evidence later if needed, but for now it would be just advice you are calling for. I think it would be helpful; I used to fear calling, felt huge, but nowadays if I need to I will and this brings such relief, it really is not as big a deal as I felt for a very long time and much needed; a big turning point for me was when I realsied I simply can not deal with him alone, that we need others to do this for us. You could ask if they have any officers that deal solely with domestic abuse, some forces do and others don’t, but if they do, you could ask if you could have an informal chat with one of these officers.

    Some officers really understand domestic abuse, and others not so much – tend to see things as a dispute, so it’s important to be mindful of this because if you dont feel responded to this is the reason why – not because it isn’t abuse – when clearly this is – sometimes the police can take a while to see the bigger picture.

    This is harrassment – he’s hounding you and controlling isn’t he. The lengths he goes to sounds obsessive.

    If you feel you can’t ring the police, could you get yourself a support worker from the local womens aid charity? The number is usually on the councils website x

    • #97201
       GotToFallBeforeWeFly 
      Participant

      Thank you for your advice.
      I feel scared to call them each time I pick the phone up to call them my head and heart tell me a million different things.
      I will look into a support worker and have a look for the number as this may help me.
      Thanks again for all your advice.

  • #97218
     Overcome 
    Participant

    Hi GTBFBWF,

    Although our stories are different, I also feel that pull when I pick up the phone to call the police. I have, however, just come off the phone to victim support who were fantastic. They are great to talk to and get emotional and practical advice from, she is now going to be in touch with me every week to see how i’m doing. It is also good evidence to keep in case you need to build up a case against him. It feels so good to chat to someone, I think you would feel so much better if you did, maybe try and give them a call?

  • #97231
     fizzylem 
    Participant

    It was victim support that helped me first too; this is a good idea. It’s completely confidential. They were really supportive, understood it completely, and it was through this support I eventually felt able to call the police.

    Thing is, the sooner you can get it recorded with the police in some form the better really, especially when children are involved too, it helps as they start to build a picture; it also gives you access to their help, which is only advice unless you want to make a statement – which makes it a complaint; if you were to even get to this, making a statement is a collaboration, the officer may disagree and not want to take one.

    We tend to think it’s getting him done, taking it into a new realm, when this is not the case at all, it is a very long process before any charges are brought, if ever. My only regret is not having called them sooner, when he assaulted me, it really would have been better to call them then, but it didnt enter my head at that time, I was dealing with it – can see now that it was bigger than anything I could deal with alone though and it’s not until you start reaching out and getting the help and advice you need that it starts to get better x

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