23rd December 2015 at 8:41 pm #6535lotsoflovexxxParticipant
Hi everyone im new here iv been involved in two abusive relationships.. and im starting to wonder if its me.. the second i confided in and i trusted and told about my first relationship and now he plays on it has anyone else been involved in two abusive relationships. I dont think im at my worst right now i have a roof over my head an my kids are safe but i dont want to slip back into having anxiety attacks on a daily basis an having bulimia. X*x
23rd December 2015 at 11:27 pm #6549DaisyParticipant
hello and welcome lotsoflovexxx,
Glad you have found us, although sorry you had to, if you know what I mean,
First and foremost, it is not you, not at all,
The abuser is always the one responsible for their own actions,
Yes, it is quite often we hear on here that ladies get free from an abusive relationship only to find that it happens again and it must feel extra betrayal for you having confided in your new partner and them him go on and do similar.
The main thing is that you have found us now and together we can help you with those doubts that you are in anyway to blame.just because it happens again doesn’t mean it’s your fault.
X x x
24th December 2015 at 9:42 am #6555White RoseParticipant
I’m glad you found this site. You’ll rapidly learn you’re not alone.
I’ll echo Daisy’s statement that it’s not your fault and ignore an one who tells you.
I’m my ex’s second victim and my child is his third child to be affected by DV. He’s now moved onto number 3. For me that’s proof, if you need it, to back us up.
I’m glad you’re safe. Focus on yourself and your children and keep strong. Anxiety and bulimia are tough to deal with. If you’re struggling try to see your GP and talk. Or if you live somewhere where there’s an eating disorder team check if they do support meetings/drop ins – some do. You could find out through local mental health team or beat charity might help too http://www.b-eat.co.uk.
Take care post again when you need to xx
24th December 2015 at 6:24 pm #6565LisaMain Moderator
I am glad you have had the courage to come on the forum and to talk about what has happened to you. You have already had some wonderful support so I can simply echo what Daisy and White Rose have said. Please go and see your GP about your anxiety attacks and bulimia if they are causing you a lot of distress at the moment. It is completely normal to have times in your life when these are worse than others but there maybe things you can do to help alleviate.
Remember you are not to blame for what has happened to you. It isn’t you and you haven’t deserved what has happened. Something you might want to look into though if you are concerned about not being able to spot abusers or red flags for dangerous behaviour is to look into the Freedom programme. Many women find it really useful and a great way to learn what to look for when meeting new people. Also you would meet other women who are in the same situation and it can help many women come to terms with what has happened to them.
I’m really happy you have come on the forum, I know you’ll get some great support here. Welcome and it’s good to have you with us.
26th December 2015 at 12:01 am #6600lotsoflovexxxParticipant
Thanks for all your support it really means a lot. Im not sure why but both times it all started when i was pregnant.. i felt so much love for my partners both times but felt put down by them.. at one point i was on my knees begging for him to stay.. even thiu he was the one that had been found texting other girls well lets say explicit msgs an i asked him about it an he said he was gunna leave me by that point i think id of put up with anythin an still begged him to stay.. i know its wrong really what these men did, but i still get confused alot i rang the helpline an i couldnt get my words out i was just a confused mess itshard to explain its like he makes me think what he wamts me to think and feel. The emotional abuse i think personally is worse than being strangled and being bottled with broken glass an all the rest becauze im still trying to shake the emotional abuse off an its harder now cause the second one is trying to make me believe its actually me.. thank you for all your kind words an now iv only been on here less than a week an i can already see that people on here know of or have been a victim twice so i dont feel so alone or in the wrong.. i was actually recommended the freedom programme but it was in the area well actually round the cornor from my first one and i know even if i see him itll send me right back to square one.. its not that i love him i dont but i feel anxious even seeing him.. if there was another group near me but not near him i would defo go but when i asked about it they said they didnt have enough people in the other area to set it up thank you thou all your help means alot xxxxx
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