Viewing 6 reply threads
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    • #122941
      Bumblebear
      Participant

      Hi I am new to this forum, this is the first time I have ever found the courage to reach out. I have gone through the last (detail removed by moderator) feeling embarrassed and to blame for my situation. Every day I put a smile on my face and carry on, no one around me knows what’s happening at home, it’s exhausting hiding it, having to double check everything I say to make sure I don’t give anything away.

      I feel this is the first step for me to be able to speak out about the abuse I suffer, it’s not ok and it never has been, I’m hoping I can try and find some strength xx

    • #122943
      gettingtired
      Participant

      Hello Bumblebear, welcome to the forum and well done for reaching out.
      I’ve been in my situation for the same time as you and like you, have spent years covering it all up. I know how exhausting and anxiety inducing that is.
      It’s great you already recognise what’s happened to you is wrong.
      Like you, I hope to find the strength as I know I have to leave xx

      • #123084
        Freedompoppy
        Participant

        Hi, I’m in the same position it’s so scary reaching out isn’t it. But your strong too. I really hope ur ok and if u ever needed to talk please give me a message
        X

    • #122946
      Julka
      Participant

      Bumblebear, if you have the strength, tell us here what you have been through. I’ve been and am going through exactly the same thing, I came here two years ago previously and chickened out, now I’m dealing with a much bigger mess than I would have then.
      Don’t be scared, talk to us and we will support you as much as we can x

    • #123073
      Bumblebear
      Participant

      Thank you for the replies to my post, it means so much just to hear your words and feel validated, so often I wonder if I’m making it up. It’s so hard to put into words, the belittling the sarcasm and being screamed at in my face, having no choice not being allowed an opinion, being put down and mocked in front of others, being told I’m not good enough and him now encouraging our daughter to laugh and mock me making her think it’s funny and that daddy is the ‘boss’ and what he says goes. I feel broken and trapped x

    • #123076
      Busyditch
      Participant

      Hey I’m new too. I am exhausted not only from hiding the truth about the relationship but also from watching what I say to my husband so that I don’t trigger his temper. I’ve spent many many years thinking I can fix it or that things will get better naturally. But it’s only now that I’m realising none of this is possible. But now it’s too late to pull away, I have no money, no confidence and my health is beyond repair. But the worst part is the damage I’ve cause my children by putting up with it. I thought I was doing the right thing by keeping the family together. 🥺

    • #123077
      Busyditch
      Participant

      Oh my gosh. I’m so sorry I hijacked your post with a little rant about myself. 😔

    • #123081
      Hawthorn
      Participant

      Hi @Bumblebear and @Busyditch,

      You are both really welcome to the forum😊
      It takes so much courage, first to begin to acknowledge and face the abuse, and then to reach out for support. The abuse causes so much confusion in our minds and destroys our self-esteem and self-worth so much it is so difficult to figure out what’s going on.

      By the time I left I had been gaslighted to the point of being convinced I was losing my mind. I thankfully left before that happened but I needed so much reassurance in that early period that I was speaking and behaving rationally and wasn’t crazy. When we dont have the understanding or language to describe what is happening to us it all seems surreal, and when we have been conditioned by the abuser to take the blame for everything…its a crazy making situation.

      Keep reaching out here. Abuse thrives in silence and darkness. Shine a light on it. Do consider reaching out to your local womens aid too, they wont make you do anything but will also give you the support you both need and deserve.xx

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