Hi everyone I’m new to this. I need advice

[Elephant]

Hi there I’m looking advice. I’ve been dating a man who has previously been married and has (detail removed by moderator)children that he sees on a part time basis. He also has a child to a previous relationship that he doesn’t see because they live in a different country but he still pays maintenance. There has been money issues with him from the start which causes a lot of Arguments which has lead to him being very bD tempered. He pulls my hair when we argue and wrestles with me. Then he apologises and it happens all over again. I love him and do find it very hard to break away. I’ve said that he needs major counselling and help but won’t do anything about it. We’re not living together and only see each other once a week. I’ve been waiting on commitment and have got nothing. I get so frustrated and I’m constantly running out of patience. I have no kids of my own and have never been married either. Advice please x

[Falling Skys]

Elephant

Thank you for posting, please take the time to read what you have written, you deserve so much more get red before its to late.

Not only by his track record, but the way he’s treating you. Sad to say it will only get worse.

There are nice men out there and hold out for him.

I thought if I loved my abuser enough he would see he was loved and he wouldn’t be horrid any more, but after decades of wasted I’m breaking free. I don’t want you to have the life I had.

FS x

[Elephant]

Thanks for the advice I just pray that God answers my prayers x

[Confused123]

HUn

He has , he is warning u that u can do better than that, walk away from him, he has no right to grab your hair, so he should bloomoin well apoligize, but if his done more than once what is that saying, his not learnign from his wrong behaviour, dont settle for less always love and respect yourself

[Lisa]

Hi Elephant,

Thanks for posting and welcome to the forum. I’m afraid this does not sound like a healthy relationship; him becoming aggressive and pulling your hair is not acceptable and is abusive. It also sounds like you are feeling a lot of negative emotions as a result of how he is treating you. As the forum users have said above, you deserve better.

You can call the Helpline on 0808 2000 247 to talk things through with a female support worker, they won’t tell you what to do but can talk about the dynamics of an abusive relationship and talk about your options.

Keep posting, there’s lots of brilliant support here.

Lisa

[Elephant]

Thank you Lisa, I haven’t plucked up the courage to ring for help. I feel trapped and stuck and I do still love her him!! I’m hoping that this will stop!!

[WalkerInTheRain]

The hair pulling and wrestling followed by profuse apologies are part of the cycle of abuse.
We all upset people in our lives from time to time but most people don’t keep repeating the same behaviour if we know it upsets someone.

I found in my relationship that wrestling/play fighting was a way to demonstrate how physically powerful he was against me and a glimpse of what he could be capable of.

Please try and find the courage to phone the helpline as they may be able to help you gain some perspective on your relationship. Read the posts on here or some of the books that are out there. Keep posting x

[Author]

Posts