9th September 2019 at 6:20 pm #87687
Hi All, I am a (age removed by moderator) yr old woman and have been married for (detail removed by moderator)
. Over the years I believed my husband to display, at times, emotionally abusive behaviour. However after having our daughter (detail removed by moderator) and moving in with him, (and already having teenage sons from a previous marriage), I just put my head down and found, what I thought was a way of coping. So many years and so many times I desperately wanted to leave, yet lacked the courage.Of course he could be nice at times, and I so wanted the happy family life. The children are grown now, (detail removed by moderator) I was diagnosed with me/fibromyalgia,(my health had steadily been deteriorating over the years). Now I am unable to work, and am mostly housebound, at least during the week. It feels like my husbands cruelty has increased, but I still find myself questioning his behaviour,”Is it me or him”, yet knowing in my gut that he exhibits manipulative,cruel and sometimes downright creepy behaviour.
Like so many abusers he is very clever and knows when to back off and start the good behaviour. At present I am making a move/plan to leave, but it could take many months, and my ill health does increase the feeling of weakness when I need to be stong.I feel that connecting with other women experiencing similar abuse can only be helpful, and stop me from going completely mad,(it sure messes with your head doesn’t it)? xx
10th September 2019 at 10:23 am #87742LisaMain Moderator
I’m sorry to hear about everything you’re going through; I’m glad that you’re reaching out for support. Domestic abuse can be really isolating so it’s completely understandable that you’re having moments of weakness. Trust your gut feeling that this is wrong, and keep reaching out for support. Have you tried contacting your local domestic abuse service for some ongoing support and for some help in putting a plan together for leaving? You can find your local service here: https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/
Please keep posting on the Forum to let us know how you’re getting on,
10th September 2019 at 3:22 pm #87763
Thanks Lisa xx
10th September 2019 at 2:49 pm #87757HopeLifeJoyParticipant
Welcome I am so sorry he is so cruel to you, I am pleased you took the decision to leave him. Planning can take time and to help you survive this you can use the grey rock method, search the term, it means you don’t get involved emotionally with your husband at all plus arrange all medical/health related needs independently of him, talk with your GP about getting your needs met without involving him.
Do you have friends and family who can help you and come by very frequently until you are out? Reach out for as much help as possible.
Women’s Aid can help you with planning a safe exit.
Keep posting 💕
10th September 2019 at 3:27 pm #87764
Thanks HopeLifeJoy, will investigate as do need all the support I can get. Trying to get the support of family, though it seems emotional abuse is hard to understand from the outside, do have a close friend to confide in which is good.xx
10th September 2019 at 4:40 pm #87773EscapeeParticipant
My story is very similar to yours. I’ve been properly out now for a very short time and it is hard – I won’t lie. My health is completely shot! Do talk to your GP, mine was brilliant.
The support on here is amazing, as is the knowledge.
17th September 2019 at 4:11 pm #88144
Thanks escapee,would love to speak to my GP but feel that I wont be taken seriously, or even worse just pitied. Have found it difficult just opening up on line, but I guess nothing ventured nothing gained..will strive to be courageous.xx
17th September 2019 at 6:40 pm #88146EscapeeParticipant
Don’t be surprised if your GP already suspects something isn’t right. I’ve only been away a short while but already I can understand just how much my relationship impacted my health. I’m hoping once I get over the anxiety, I’m going to go from strength to strength. X*x
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