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    • #134513
      Hyrule Warrior 333
      Participant

      Hi everyone, I’m new to this. . .

      Everything is so overwhelming atm. My feelings are like a roller coaster. One minute i feel strong, then there’s days where I feel like an idiot for putting up with what was happening around me, days where he takes my strength from me. I hate that feeling where even though I’m not with him anymore, he still has this hold over Me where he thinks he can still control me or the situation around me especially when it comes to our little girl. It’s so hard sometimes

    • #134543
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Hyrule Warrior 333,

      Welcome to the forum and thank you for sharing with us. It takes a lot of courage to reach out so I hope you find the forum a supportive place to be with others who understand.

      If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open 10am-6pm every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here:
      https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

      Please do keep posting when you are able to.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa
      Forum Moderator

    • #134626
      Bestchance07
      Participant

      I get you! One day I feel strong, one day I am sobbing my eyes out uncontrollably xx

    • #134630
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Hi Hyrule Warrior 333,

      Welcome to the forum and congratulations on getting out.

      I’m wondering how long you have been out? If it’s early days for you then the rollercoaster of emotion is normal.

      It does usually settle down and the ups and downs last longer but can feel less extreme. Whatever you are feeling, the forum is always here for you.

    • #134684
      Hyrule Warrior 333
      Participant

      Eggshells. I left him the end of (removed by moderator) as I discovered he was having an affair and made me feel like it was all me and that I had mental health issues. So I left him as soon as I got the evidence I needed to walk away from the relationship. so its early days but most days recently I feel stronger. Its worse at night though as I get a million thoughts all at once going over everything and hating myself for how I didn’t see what was happening around me and not realising I was being abused until I walked away and started talking to my family.

    • #134692
      Eggshells
      Participant

      Ah yes! Those are feelings that many of us can relate to.

      Don’t beat yourself up. It took me decades to realise what was happening.

      Abusers are very skilled at what they do. They surround their victims in a smokescreen of FOG. They disguise the abuse through gaslighting. They confuse, blame and strip away your confidence leaving you in a state of Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG).

      You weren’t supposed to see what he was doing. That was by very carefully constructed design. But he slipped up. He must be quite young and still developing his technique. He’ll be better at abuse with the next woman.

      Maybe consider trying mindful meditation before you go to bed. There’s a fantastic app called Insight Timer that has loads of free guided meditations to help you sleep. I also swear by Heath and Heather bedtime tea. Some Tescos have it and you can also find it in Holland and Barrett. xx

      • #134885
        Hyrule Warrior 333
        Participant

        Thank you for your advice I really appreciate it. I cant wait till I feel like my old self again. I know it will take time but I know that this bad experience will make me so much stronger eventually. Speaking to people who have been through it helps me feel less ashamed x

      • #134886
        Eyesopening
        Participant

        Hey, just wanted to also say i can totally relate, it gets better, I’m out for some time now and I’m amazed at how bad i was when i look back at only a month or so ago.
        Even now i get that wave of ‘was he so bad’. That cycle of abuse is so ingrained into our subconscious, it doesn’t just go away after we leave.
        What i love to remember is ‘where focus goes energy flows’
        Its true, focus on you and your future and you’ll see the chains of abuse falling away slowly.
        I started writing a list of all the good things that have changed since i left, like my energy levels getting better, my mood more stable, looking less tired, the list is so so long! Just a nice reminder as to what the future still holds and how far i have come
        X*x

    • #134965
      PaintingByNumbers
      Participant

      I am so sorry you have all experienced this also, but at the same time I find so much comfort i knowing I am not alone, so thank you all for sharing, for being so open and honest. This rollercoaster is exhausting but at least it will get easier with time!! X

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