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    • #128769
      LoveYou
      Participant

      Hhi,
      Aafter years of trying to leave my husband (or at least ttry to settle with him amicably) he tried to kick me out of our home, but after I threatened to call the police he left.
      My mind has been all over the place as for the last (detail removed by moderator) years of being married to him apart from going into work he has not left my side. He has had the help of his mom, sister, and  (detail removed by moderator) to threaten me and keep me scared to a point I’ve developed really bad anxiety, got regular panic attack, and now I have PTSD. Its all been quite hard to cope with since he has left as my brain feels like a washing machine, I’m unable to sleep and I actually feel soo soo stupid for not gathering more evidence. But any that I’ve had he’s destroyed. He fully controlled me financially and also he’s had access to my phone, my passwords as I never knew any of his information. I have involved the police and thought I gave them good leads to follow and the officers who were male were rude to me and told me they are dropping everything woth no explanation. He had a (detail removed by moderator) which he used to keep pictured of me which he took of me and refused to delete he had said as a joke (detail removed by moderator)  he’s also not allowed me to have any children by refusing to sleep woth me (detail removed by moderator)  into marriage, I feel its been cruel as he knows I was worried the older I got to get pregnant but he wouldn’t even try as he said to me a few days before he left (detail removed by moderator) feel he’s deliberately tried to hurt me by leaving me child less the only thing I’ve ever wanted in life. The officer after I told him the manipulation told me (detail removed by moderator) and I told him I get that only he had never expressed that thought to me, he’d tell me how much he wanted children!!!! Its been a long exhausting list of this sort of torture from him. What’s draining me and deflating me is that for the divorce proceedings as he is rich (detail removed by moderator). He’s also managed to twist EVERYTHING!! Hes stating I am the abuser which has been hard for me as he has constantly put blame on me for everything. He’s got really scenarios which there is evidence for and twisted into lies so it’s at his advantage. He got so aggressive woth me just before  (detail removed by moderator) that he ended up having a (detail removed by moderator) he was scratch free however I(detail removed by moderator) really bad so i was immobile for a good few months. In that time he was being so rough woth me, pushing me up the stairs, calling his family over so they could be nasty to me they kept on telling me a few days after accident that I should get up now and stop pretending this went on for (detail removed by moderator)  they ruined for me completely. Sorry to go on, he has done so much and I’m not sure what will come of it all and have just been a nervous wreck while he continues to use his money to intimidate me.

    • #128772
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hello and welcome and I’m so sorry for all that he has put your through. It’s deliberate on his part and he knows exactly what he’s doing. The police have been appalling and I’d ask for someone from the domestic abuse unit and pit in a complaint. Threatening to show photos of you is now an offence. They should at least have spoken to him and warned him. Get in touch with your local women’s aid who can support you and if you have a solicitor then make sure she is fully aware that he’s ab abuser and has experience of his kind because he will lie and manipulate and drag things out. Did your ex really have a seizure? Because it’s the kind of thing an abuser would do deliberately and have no regard for the consequences and that’s attempted murder. Try writing a list of all his abusive behaviour and talk to the domestic abuse unit. Domestic abuse is a pattern of behaviour and that includes preventing you from having children then gloating. These men are truly despicable x

    • #128775
      LoveYou
      Participant

      Thank you so much for the reply I am shaking I’m actually been heard. This is exactly what I told the police officer that I felt it was deliberate and tat the last time he (detail removed by moderator)  I’m highly suspicious this was gaslighting as I was terrified of getting in the car woth him and he knew thus. He and his mom blamed me for the accident (detail removed by moderator)!! Terrified me so wanted to walk but he insisted on driving me. Luckily a day after those male officers called to say it was being closed, a lovely lady officer from the domestic abuse team did call me and I told her and she was shocked so is going to investigate what the original officers were going to drop. I feel like he was always putting me at risk and there are many other dodgy details about his behaviour at the time which I told them about. I’m keeping my fingers crossed they look into it as its been hard for me in many ways as I’m sure you can all relate to aswell. Thank you for listening it means the world to me xx

      • #128779
        KIP.
        Participant

        It’s a very common tactic of abusers to drive fast to terrorise us. My ex did it frequently and with our baby in the car. I know it’s sad for you at the moment but honestly having a child with an abuser is a life sentence for you both. If he abused you, you can bet he would abuse your child. Just to see your hurt. I’m so glad the domestic abuse unit rang. I still can’t understand why they send ordinary police round for domestic abuse. In my experience they were pretty useless apart from one so if your do get a good officer then get their details and contact number and hang onto them. If your ex had a seizure while driving DVLA would have taken his license off him until he had a doctor clear him to drive. I think he’s lying and blaming you is also typical. He was driving and you came off worse. I wonder if he knew how to crash the car so that you took the brunt. Take a look at Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven and Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft.

    • #128776
      littledove
      Participant

      I’m so sorry he’s put you through all of this. We’re here and we understand completely. They are so manipulative.

      It’s appalling the police’s handling of the situation. But I’m really glad the lovely lady you spoke to is looking into things. My fingers are crossed for you.

      As for the not allowing you to have children. I’m really sorry he’s been that way with you. But a positive you can take from this is that your children would have been involved with someone like him too and it would have tied you to him. Maybe now you’ve left him, is there any chance you can have a baby on your own? If it’s something you really want to have in your life? You could raise a happy child and they’d have a lovely supportive parent in you. xx

    • #128777
      LoveYou
      Participant

      Hi little do e thank you for your kind words…
      It has been difficult for anyone to relate to this type of abuse as none of my friends get it tbh. It’s frustrating.
      I agree as I’ve seen the nastier side of me ot does make me question why on earth I would have had a child woth him and his family are abusers also. He had threatened to take my newborn off me (detail removed by moderator).. he said a lot of weird things to me like this where I’d argue with him poinlessly while he was getting kicks out of me stressing. So I can say it is a blessing in disguise.
      As it is all so raw for me at the moment I need to look after my mental and physical health but down the road I am going to keep positive that one day I will have a child and it will be raised in a loving way way and a non abusive environment. Thank you for your kind words xx

      • #128782
        littledove
        Participant

        Yes I find it so difficult for people in my life to understand what I’ve been through. The thing is no one will really understand unless they have been through it before.

        Have you spoke to your local Women’s aid? How about therapy for your mental health?

        Yeah I agree you’re right to focus on yourself for a while and heal from everything. It’s a long process but hang in there. I’m back seeing a mental health nurse again.

        Be kind to yourself and take time to do things for you, you deserve to live a happy life xx

    • #128784
      Auriel
      Participant

      Loveyou the only thing I can say is to try and find refuge as soon as possible I found when someone had photos of me ( which were unconsented and had no knowledge of being taken) the police were less than useless , I’d hoped things had changed since then but judging by what you’ve said that’s not the case, he’s dangling the baby carrot thing to manipulate and to hurt you , I know you very much want a baby but do you really want one with a man with this mindset and behaviour? Please take care 💗x💗

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