- This topic has 2 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 3 years ago by Lisa.
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3rd March 2021 at 10:07 am #122655imsolostrightnowParticipant
Hi. I’m new here. Seeking help to leave. He keeps getting in my head with empty promises etc and I find myself thinking of leaving is the right thing to do. He also says the things I do “can be seen as controlling and abusive”. I don’t know. I need help please.
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3rd March 2021 at 10:26 am #122661AnonymousInactive
Hi,
They deflect all the time. I’m not sure how they do it, but everything gets turned around. I’ve realised that usually what he accused me of doing, he was actually doing himself. It was as thought he thought that if he accused me of it first, I wouldn’t think to accuse him of doing the same. What it definitely did, was get me to look at myself and my actions instead of his. And at that point, you are looking in the wrong place for the problem.
If you don’t feel comfortable or safe, that is your instincts telling you something isn’t right. Listen to them. Abusive men get us to stop listening to our instincts so we can start accepting all the abusive things they do as normal or justified.
I’m happy you joined this forum. It has helped me. And there are different classes through Women’s Aid that help too.
You don’t deserve to be mistreated. I wish you the best xx -
3rd March 2021 at 9:34 pm #122702LisaMain Moderator
Hi Imsolostrightnow
Thank you for your post and welcome to the forum! I hope you find the forum a supportive place to be. I can see that Ocean has given some really supportive advice. You are not abusive, you are doing the right thing by reaching out for support and exploring your options.
If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (weekdays 10am – 4pm and 10am – 12pm weekends). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/
Do keep posting to let us know how you’re getting on,
Lisa
Forum Moderator
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