30th July 2022 at 5:21 am #147779Tiny TearsParticipant
I wanted to say hello, I’m new here.
I have been living with a (detail removed by Moderator), controlling for the past (detail removed by Moderator), I left once but ended up going back to him.
Even though he continued to mentally
abuse me some days worse than others I
still had this feeling of needing him and
being with him. I’ve lost friends and family along the way and feel completely crushed once again after finding out he had been seeing another woman for god knows how long and him constantly trying to deny it. I left (detail removed by Moderator) after finding a message from the other woman and confronting him this resulting in an altercation, him pushing and shoving and him pushing me against the wall grabbing my arms, I (detail removed by Moderator) so he would let go. (detail removed by Moderator) I gave my statement to the police which will lead to him being arrested. I have so many emotions going around my head at the moment hate, guilt and so much confusion and still feeling the need to have him. I need so much support and feel at my lowest point. It’s early days and I know I can never ever let this happen to me again.
Thanks for listening… (detail removed by Moderator)
30th July 2022 at 10:24 am #147784beachhutParticipant
Morning Tiny Tears and welcome.
Well you have done one of the hardest things and left, well done you.
I wish there was a book of instructions I could point you in the direction of to help you but unfortunately there is not, your head will be telling you one thing, your heart another and people will give their own opinions as to what you should do, firstly you need to breath, take care of you and your own needs at the moment and not try to make any sense of what has happened, there is time for that once you are ready to cope, try not to feel guilty for what has happened, you have nothing to feel guilty about, we all have choices in life if he chose to abuse you that is down to him, your head is most probably on the fast spin cycle but it will slow down and you are a lot stronger than you ever thought you were. Reach out for help if you need to and never be ashamed about what has happened to you, this was not choice you made just a circumstance you found yourself in. Early days, a little bit at a time, and most importantly, take care of you.
30th July 2022 at 3:36 pm #147789EggshellsParticipant
Hi Tiny Tears.
Welcome to the forum. Well done for making your first post (it can be really hard) and well done for leaving.
You are going through a very difficult time at the moment. You have left and you have reported him to the police. You are doing incredibly well as those are possibly the 2 most difficult things to do in an abusive relationship.
You are also acknowledging your feelings which is really helpful as you go through the mourning and recovery process. You will be mourning the loss of the good parts of the relationship and possibly mourning the loss of the hope and the future that you might have had together. It sounds as though you may also be trauma bonded to him and breaking that bond takes time and perseverance.
As Beachut has said, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You did not choose to be abused, you did not cause or insight it and you have every right to leave a relationship that is damaging you. You have done the right thing.
The challenge for you now will be to stay out as you battle all of the emotions that make you want to go back.
Hang on in there Tiny Tears. You can do this and by joining the forum, you’ve found a community who are rooting for you every step of the way.
31st July 2022 at 8:10 am #147814AurielParticipant
Tiny tears you have “nothing ” to feel guilty for, (I like your name I had a doll with that name once) weve all at one stage had a blind loyalty to our abuser but their manipulation and tests they give us to choose them over others give up people or plans, make suspicious or plain disliking out friends (it’s usually a way to isolate us and cut our support network) I don’t know if you’ve read about trauma bonding but it’s something that explains the tethering to our abuser and also their action and the emotional and chemical response it causes on the emotional and chemical system can cause havoc on the adrenal limbic system amigdalae so please don’t blame yourself, it’s all these things plus the tactics (emotional physical sexual) they use to confuse and manipulate us, the essential thing (as long as theres no shared childred or buisness conections) is to go no contact (yes it’s painful we know)it’s how we heal get back to “us” and it also locks the door from them seeing if they can test us to see if they can still get somewhere with us (and also if someone they’re with refuses to put up with them or they find the sources that person brings is less than they feel they deserve) you can guarantee they will try and manipulate its how they are, he’s hurt you “alot” but you have to decide if you want better for yourself (and you deserve that 💯, we all do) ❤🫂❤️
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