11th April 2022 at 6:41 pm #141733JellyfaceParticipant
I’ve been with my husband for years and we have 3 children together. Over the space of (detail removed by Moderator) years I have become a shadow of myself, in the beginning he was so caring and thoughtful and take me to work each day, got on with all my family and I found out he had 2 kids and I embraced those too. Within (detail removed by Moderator) months we moved in together and within that time that’s when the little comments started on my gaining weight. I would go our with friends and then when I returned I would be accused of cheating (which I would never do). He would then start calling my friends awful names and accusing them of being easy and not liking him, they could probably see what he was like. He was my 1st serious long term relationship, my only 1…
I had never been with anyone that put me down before and I was embarrassed and ashamed at myself for putting on weight, who would want to be with me?!! He was doing me a favour letting me know before I got too big as he said his friends had started to comment. This is where it began, we then a few years later had 2 children the second pregnancy was challenging the days following on coming home from having a c section am argument started with my mum as he had been working and wanted his evening meal, I hadn’t prepared anything as I was in medication and inly (detail removed by Moderator) days in was still very sore. He got really aggressive and threw my mum out when she was standing up for me… so now he doesn’t talk to my mum, sister and now my dad.
There’s soo much to write I just can’t.. my life is just trying to juggle my kids, work (that isn’t important), I’ve no friends anymore as he I’m not allowed to go anywhere or makes it so it’s just easier not to go. I can’t always confide in my mum or sister as they can’t do anything and it’s embarrassing. He shames me about not wanting sex, i do it just to placate him but it’s never good enough. According to him I’m his wife and he should be able to touch me anywhere but I don’t feel comfortable, I’m not performing oral see and apparently all his friends laugh at me and say he needs to get rid of me as I can’t be a good wife.
When we argue now it’s because mainly of not wanting or engaging in sex every other night, I dint look after him.ive never spoke like this before as its embarrassing tbh, I can’t tell mum, sister i just say he’s in a mood.
There’s a lot to write too much, but I just want to be free of him, but he scares me. He knows private things about me and my family and he shames me… I don’t know how to break free its been that long. I know it’s not normal but I’m exhausted and don’t know where or how to start a process of getting out.
11th April 2022 at 6:57 pm #141734HereforhelpParticipant
Hi and welcome to the forum, it is really brave of you to post.
I am so sorry that your husband is treating you so badly, he sounds extremely abusive. He is sexually abusing you, in a healthy relationship your partner wouldn’t put any pressure on you for sex or use it as a weapon (saying friends laugh at you). None of this is your fault, really it isn’t, it is so painful when you start to realise that your partner is abusive and yours sounds really nasty and controlling, all abuse. He is also isolating you from your family which is all deliberate so as.to isolate you. Your mum standing up to him us something he wouldn’t want, these men loathe being exposed and called out for their behaviour (they never take responsibility, they do pretend to at times so as to trick you into believing that they have changed but they do not change).
A good book to start with is Living with the Dominater by Pat Craven as it explains abuse very simply. Also, keeping a journal of his abuse can be really helpful. Contacting your local Womans Aid as they’re really supportive.
Keep posting ❤
11th April 2022 at 8:44 pm #141744nbumblebeeParticipant
Sadly sweetie our stories are similar and I know many of the ladies on here can relate.
A huge well done to you for finding this foeum and for posting.
Its horeible right having to have sex with someone you dont really like most of the time because you are too scared to say no. Makes you feel so disgusting doesnt it so sad and low and just ewww. I get it I really do.
My advice is to read and leaen as much as you can understand that this is abuse and believe and trust in yourself. Work on finding the strength to maybe talk to your family it wont be easy but can it be any harder than this now?
You dont have to live this way and there is a way through a way out. Talk to womans aid to your Gp even just talk this through. The more you leaen the more you talk the stronger you will become.
Stay safe x
11th April 2022 at 9:23 pm #141746JellyfaceParticipant
Thank you ladies for the advice, I have been reading some of the posts on here and definitely know I’m no different to anyone on here its a sudden scary realisation that there is a name and a label for what is happening.. abuse.. I can now hopefully strengthen myself for my kids and get out x
14th April 2022 at 12:42 pm #141891AurielParticipant
Abusers bring other people into things as a kind of abuse support here’s something you might not be aware of, he’s probably lying about his friends saying this and that about you, they do it on purpose like an imaginary army to damage your self esteem even more to make you compliant (don’t buy into it) took me me years to realise that he said/they said/they think this and that about you is probably bull, abusers are pathological overly entitled egocentric liars (they say and do anything to get the results they want) also at the beginning the calling your friends rotten and making out they didn’t like him was a way to separate you from them and to chose him over them it’s early isolation attempts it comes after the over the top love bomb, they try and keep us because we’re kind, forgiving, laid back and want to see the best but we don’t need them no-one does, he has right to do what he wants to you and dont put yourself down about your looks (who they even be that much of an issue if it wasn’t for him) it’s all you’ve ever known but it’s not right, it abuse and you don’t have to live this way 🌹🍀🌹
19th April 2022 at 6:17 am #142133AurielParticipant
Sorry meant “no right” to do what he feels like doing to you (the post went up before I had chance to edit)
20th April 2022 at 9:41 am #142237FunduroParticipant
Hi everyone. I have gotten out of an abusive relationship that stole (detail removed by Moderator) of my life. The police ignored my request for help and pressured me into dropping charges against the psychopath ex as I was leaving the area to get away from his abuse and stalking.
The only place that has supported me is my local women’s center, sadly an all too common story.
The justice system is set up by white males unfortunately, and it protects perpetrators and it is so hard to get your evidence taken seriously, despite stalking and harrassment going on for months and ruining your life in every way.
(Detail removed by moderator).
(Detail removed by Moderator) months on and I’m finally revising and doing my driving test, something the horrible suffocating ex tried to blank me from doing.
There is literally no help or support for women in my situation and I also live with bipolar disorder and PTSD due to male violence…it’s always down to male violence which is inherent in this society built on white male privelidge.
Feminism needs to be brought back in a big way to stop these weak insecure men from suffocating our spirits and dreams.
I am angry at how much the police palmed me off.
I am angry that men have all the leeway to do whatever they want to women, sneaking into our lives faking being good men, just to rip us into shreds and stamp on the pieces.
20th April 2022 at 11:59 pm #142304NewlifeneededParticipant
Your story sounds like mine. It’s so hard I don’t know where to begin but I hope you get out of your situation
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