hi I’m new here, is this abuse within my relationship?

[Ilovechristmastrees]

Hi, this is my first time coming on here because I need some guidance on wether this classes as abuse and what the next steps I should take should be, I have been with my boyfriend for a (time frame removed by moderator) He can get very verbal to me cussing at me calling me different things, he has also said that he hopes (quote removed by moderator) I thought that was him just saying it for the point or that he was tired but he genuinely meant it. He has pushed me over several times to the point I have hit my head on a kitchen counter, he has pushed chairs infront of me too. One incident a few months back was that I found out he had a kid so i confronted him (detail removed by moderator) so he shouted at me then turnt off his phone and drove off and proceeded to not message me for the next (number removed by moderator) hours, me being worried sick he had crashed because of how drunk he was replied to him as soon as he messaged me and he then picked me up and took me to his. I then started to cry because everything hit me at once so he decided to punch a table and (injury removed by moderator) his hand from it (detail removed by moderator). He has also slaps me in my face but then his excuse is that he done it in a sexual manner (because he will hit my bottom during sex) I have told him I don’t like either but he doesn’t listen. There is also the point he has slept with his ex, and has had 4 dating apps, and he has messaged several women online talking about sexual acts with eachother. I found out about this and he blamed it on his (detail removed by moderator) in which I don’t know how to reply. And my main worry is that a few nights ago I was asleep in bed with him and I woke up to his hands around my neck tightly, and he said he done it because I kept going over to his side of the bed in my sleep. Also I don’t know if this is important but whenever he does something, the next I will be bought something whether that is a new designer bag or a new coat. This is only some of the things he has done but I am stuck on what to do. Thank you

[spiritedaway]

Hi, yes this is abuse, I think you know that and its why you are here.  We are here to help and support you x

[Ilovechristmastrees]

I just don’t know on what my next steps should be, because when we’re good we’re so happy

[spiritedaway]

keep asking here, read posts and you will find the right answers x

I didn’t find here till I had left, I wish I had.

[Texas]

Hi

I suggest reading Lundy Bancroft’s book Why Does He Do That?  A lot of us here have read it.  Not only does it explain the cycle of abuse, it also will validate your experiences.  You will gain some clarity and strength from it.  Some have mentioned you can get it as a free PDF if you Google.

[Ilovechristmastrees]

I will definitely have a read, thank you

[Hawthorn]

Hi and welcome,

You’ve come to the right place. Yes your boyfriend is abusive, dangerously so. I also recommend the Lundy Bancroft book mentioned above, it saved my life. It is normal not to know you are in an abusive relationship, even as your partner is strangling you while you sleep as you described above.

There are always “good” times in abusive relationships. If he was punching tables and slapping you in the face every day you would have left long ago, but it always gets worse. I’d really recommend googling the cycle of abuse and the power and control wheel.

Try reading your post and imagine a loved one told you this was how their partner was treating them; what would you think they should do?

None of this is easy and I’m sorry you find yourself here. Reach out for support, here and in real life- do you have a friend or family member you could share with? Or your GP?

Take care x

[Ilovechristmastrees]

Thank you for your advice, but I sadly don’t have anyone to talk to this about hence me coming on here because I didn’t want to go into a spiralling hole

[Hawthorn]

Well done for coming on here and reaching out, its a really big step. I’m so sorry to hear you don’t have anyone to talk to, we are all here for you. Would you consider texting the women’s aid support line? They won’t pressure you or tell you what to do but living in abuse as you are is so isolating and frightening. They will help you to explore your options and link you with local supports. Your GP can also be a great support (if you have the right one! ).

Knowledge is power. Once seen, the abuse cannot be unseen. I would suggest reading up as much as you can both here and in the other resources mentioned.

A man who strangles you is 7 times more likely to kill you than an abuser who does not. Yes its scary but remember you are brave to be surviving this relationship and finding the strength to reach out ♥

Sending you strength on your journey. It’s a tough path but one that has been walked many times before. You are not alone. We all walk with you ❤

[StrongerSmarter]

You deserve much better! Choking while you’re sleeping just made my stomach sink.  Please know you don’t deserve what he’s done to ya and it’s time to send him on his way. Please do what you can to get some help.  We want you here!

[Author]

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