Hi I'm new to the forum

[Crest of a wave]

Hi there, I’m new to the forum though I have been reading for a while now.
I have been in an abusive relationship for many a year now and it’s time to get out.
It was a moment at the beginning of this year which made me think ‘I cannot do this anymore’ I have to get out, I do not want to look back in a number of years and think why am I still here, what am I doing’
I have the opportunity to get out very very soon, and I am making plans, but I am scared, feel guilty, feel sorry for him? I understand from reading on this lovely forum that this seems to be the case when you have been emotionally, physically abused and controlled by someone. My child will be upset be hopefully understand ( he is not a baby but older) I am looking forward to being able to do what I want and not be told what to wear, what to say, where I can go etc. I want to be able to make my own decisions and own mind up on things and have a life again, but not looking to the fallout that is going to happen.

[Anabela]

Hello and welcome to this amazing forum. I am glad to read that you are seriously thinking of leaving. I also felt sorry for him and this was one of the main reasons that stopped from leaving earlier. You are right that it is so much better for your child to live in a healthy environment. Please plan well and dont tell him face to face in a private environment that you are leaving or planning to leave. This moment of leaving is hard but it is worth it. Right now I feel so free and in charge of my life and my decisions. You can only appreciate these things if you were denied that ☺☺ keep posting. I would not have managed to leave without this forum and amazing women here.

[Iwon]

Hi hun wishing you look. Get as much support in place as you can. Very few women lea r without some help. Call wa helpline and rights for women. What helped me is to open a bank account and save as much as you can. An escape best egg ! Well whatever you can. Go to shelter for advice and local housing.

I made the mistake of telling mine and he made me life awful while the house was being sold. Please don’t tell him. It might seem the decent thing to do but normal rules don’t apply with men like this.

Isn’t it funny how we feel sorry for the person who is making our lives hell. Believe me sweetie he is feeling no great compassion for you.

We are all here for youx

[Whywhywhy]

Hi im new here too really struggling after a long long abusive relationship ive left and hes moved on now feeling beside myself and almost regretting the decision to leave any advice welcome i need a friend 😢xx

[Anabela]

Hi Whywhywhy. Congratulations on leaving. I know it is hard and when you miss him you might forget the bad moments or minimize them or think they were not that bad. But there was a good reason why you left. It is wasting your life to live and be with an abuser (whether emotional or physical). I can imagine it pains to know he has moved on, but the thing is abusers never change. So sooner or later his new partner will get to be with the same person that you escaped from.
Try doing the things you like to enjoy your time now. Think of those times that were really bad when you miss him. Right now for every good memory I have a counter memory when he was abusive and how bad I felt and I know I have made a right decision. I miss good moments sometimes but I know he would never have changed because he would not agree that he has to change those things about himself. And I do believe that it is in majority of cases.
You deserve a good and peaceful life. You could never have with an abusive partner. xx

[Whywhywhy]

Your kind words have made me cry its really lovely to talk to somebody who knows exactly how i feel for some reason i feel angry at the people who have helped me (my mum) i just cant help it (detail removed by moderator) and have made some silly mistakes recently due to grief im so scared its going to go against me im overwelmed with so many emotions that at the moment i dont remember what makes me happy i was a child when i met him and this has been my life for so many years i feel i diddnt really get to no myself first thankyou so much for talking to me sometimes as busy as the world is it can seem such a lonely place xx

[Anabela]

I guess the trial adds additional amount of stress. If you need someone to talk to, you can message me. ☺ i had the trial too and it was stressful.
You know, i felt angry at my mum and dad too. They helped me a lot but i still think they did it in a wrong way that actually made me feel exactly like my ex. I still did not manage to forgive for that although i understand they did that cos they loved me.
So now you have that time away from the abuser to discover what you like and get to know yourself. Find new hobbies and new things you like.is there anything you wanted to do but you couldnt while being with him? ☺
No need to thank me. ☺ ☺

[fridges]

Hello, @crest of wave,
I’m glad that you took the decision to leave and preparing for this.
Do not let him know about your plan. So he can not put your plan down.
I had many attempts before leaving and I always failed. As I was letting to know my abusers about it. That it is over.
They have many tricks to lure you back.
It will be good and bad, or the mixture of it, false promises too.

Remember he does not need to know where you plan to live, or where you plan to go.
He should not know where you will be or how to find you.

[Author]

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