Hi – new member

[starqueen]

Hi everyone, I’m new to the forum. I suspected for a while that my dad was emotionally abusive and controlling, but it’s only very recently that I’ve actually started to admit it to myself, and it’s still quite hard to do so. Even after his behaviour escalated to outright verbal abuse, swearing at me, throwing things, I find myself struggling to call it abusive. I’ve cut contact with him for a number of reasons and I feel so much better. I guess now though it’s also dawning on me how much guilt and fear I felt in my relationship with him, and how much that has had an impact on how I lived my life and how I feel about men. Has anyone got experience with this? How do you come to accept this and move forward? It’s like now I’ve got this new realisation that I’ve experienced abuse, how do I talk to people about it? I guess it doesn’t feel safe yet to talk about it as abuse except in really specific safe spaces and with certain people – in some ways I think I’ve still got the fear of him and the feeling that I need to be careful what I say and do because I was walking on eggshells so much around him.

[Lisa]

Hi starqueen

Welcome to the forum, I hope you find it a supportive place to be.

It sounds like you have made the right decision by cutting contact with your dad, especially if you are already feeling better.

I think it’s positive that you are now wanting to open up in safe spaces where you feel able to. You could speak to your local domestic violence service to find out about counselling and support groups. https://www.womensaid.org.uk/domestic-abuse-directory/

Take care and please keep posting to let us know how you are doing,

Lisa

[fizzylem]

Hi starqueen, welcome to the forum, my mum was emotionally abusive and controlling; I found much help in therapy, takes a while mind, have you tried it? I wouldnt be here feeling well adjusted to it all today if I hadn’t had this kind of help. Like you’ve started to notice, it effects us in many ways x

[queenmaeve]

Hi, read a book called Toxic Parents by Susan Forward. Its a very good book and may help you in your situation.x

[starqueen]

Thank you everyone for the replies. I’ve been going to counseling for a few years and it’s been really helpful, my counsellor knows a lot about what’s gone on and she does help me a lot to understand the effect it’s had on me. I’ve got the book about toxic parents and I found that really helpful too although I’ve not read it all yet.

[Author]

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