Hi there , looking for people to chat to going through similar things ..

[Anonymous]

Hi there , came onto this forum a couple of years back and spoke briefly to some
Lovely ladies .. been in an ongoing situation with my partner for some time now , have two children . Don’t feel I can go into it all right now and a part of me feels maybe I’m just being silly to even be on here and maybe it’s not abuse , feel extremely isolated and alone right now , I have weekly silent treatment episodes to contend with amongst other things , constant tension at home and a very miserable household .. sorry to not be able to go into things further I’d just love to be able to connect with others who understand . I’m very low right now and feel I have no where to else to turn

[KIP.]

Hey there, please don’t think it’s silly being on here. What you’re describing is domestic abuse. Have you spoken to your GP or your local women’s aid. The bottom line is you’re deeply unhappy and that needs to change x

[Grey Rock]

Hi Apple. Glad you’re here. Keep reading and posting. Hopefully things will start feeling less confusing and bleak.

GR

[Lottieblue]

Hello!

You should be aware that, in order to protect your identity, most detail will be moderated out anyway, so don’t be apologetic about being vague! What you have managed to say will sound familiar to many… it certainly does to me.

This forum is a life-saver for so many of us. Whether you are after specific advice about something, or just need to feel heard, keep coming back as much as you need to. You are most certainly not alone.

Take care x*x

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much , I’ll keep in touch on here and will respond in a little more detail later hopefully . Really lovely to get replies so quickly wasn’t expecting that , x

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Well done apple118
You have taken the first step towards having things clearer in your mind
I’m new here too, its taken me years and years to get any help, and we ALL understand what you are going through !!!
Remember its not YOU that’s at fault in all this, and yes it is very very hard to understand your feelings at first, it WILL become clearer.
Take care xx

[Headspin]

Hi Apple, I joined in April so am newish. This forum has absolutely saved my sanity. I’m not saying this lightly because when I first came on here I was horribly confused and wondering if it was really abuse that I’d suffered. Someone here said that once I begin to understand what had happened (still happening to a lesser extent) then things would be clearer in my mind. I honestly feel as if I am with my tribe here. The understanding and support has been more than I could hope for.
All I can say to you is keep posting. I’m so sorry for that you’re feeling so miserable and there’ll be posters here who are well qualified to know what to do next.

[Anonymous]

Thank you so much ladies . It feels so hard to explain .. the complexities of things , like you say headspin I also feel confused if it’s actually abuse as such .. I’m not physically abused and I’m aware some people go through so, so much worse than myself such as violence . Half the time I think maybe it’s just me, but at the same time I know things aren’t right , constantly walking on eggshells .. he has strops every time I socialise with anyone (which is rarely as it’s not worth the hassle !) sulking , silent treatment , never supporting me with certain things eg me finding a job and basically any attempts at me trying to progress in life .. it’s all so complex as I said and I feel like I’m just rambling on a bit now ! I really appreciate having this space on this site to chat with others , I feel no one understands and if I try explaining these things to my friends they’d tell me to just leave- like it’s that simple . Having children and a home and bills etc make ‘just leaving’ a lot easier said than done:( . Anyway thanks again so much for your kind replies and I will do my best to come on here when I can .. x*x

[Secretlife]

Hello Apple118

Welcome to this forum. You are certainly not alone in how you feel. Your situation sounds the same as mine, and it certainly is abuse. I used to think it was just me being oversensitive. The moods and the silent treatment were awful, absolute torture for me, I felt so lonely and miserable – then I joined this forum! I learned so much from reading the posts. I was very shocked at first to read that it was abuse, and it took a while for me to accept this fact. I then read the book ‘why does he do that’ by Lundy Bancroft (you can download it for free) and all this made such a difference to how I had been feeling. The knowledge has helped me build inner strength and resilience. I am still in the same situation but I am coping better with things. Ultimately I will leave him, but in the meantime this forum is my secret weapon! Sending you love and support xx

[Anonymous]

Secretlife thank you for that suggestion I’ll check that book out , I’ve read various things in the past , books, articles etc on the subject .. I go from thinking one minute it’s just me and the next thinking he really is the most mentally abusive, toxic person I’ve ever met ! He tells me I abuse him
Which I find ironic . It’s all so hard and confusing right now I’m desperate to leave but he won’t go and I have nowhere to go myself .

[Headspin]

Oh Apple, I know this one, when you’re accused of abusing him. I was told earlier I was controlling. The irony! It’s so hard to leave especially when they control finances and every move you make. Keep posting. Read up as much as you can about abuse because then you will realise what’s happening to you without feeling so alone. Take a break from reading up if it gets to overwhelming. Abuse manifests itself in different ways, but everyone on here understands and will be sympathetic.

[Anonymous]

Headspin thanks for your reply . Over the years I’ve read so, so much about emotional abuse, I am aware of what’s happening and am reasonably clued up about it which in a way makes it worse because I know deep down I shouldn’t be in this situation and that it’s completely dysfunctional . I just wish I could find a way out without repercussions..I’ve begged him to leave but he won’t .. how are things for you at present ? Are you taking any steps to leave or just waiting to see how things go ? Sometimes I feel the only way out would be for me to emigrate or something !

[Headspin]

I’m still in the thick of it Apple, same old story. I am trapped, he is ill and relies on me for support. We also have an adult dependent living at home with MH issues. I used to fantasise about sneaking out in the middle of the night, or win the lotto and buy him out. All sorts of crazy stuff went through my head. He is just impossible. I have times when I can’t believe how he can be so nasty to me. I’ve had counselling which has been good for me. I sobbed my heart out as I relayed all the grim stories. My adult children have been so hugely supportive, more than I could ask for, they’re so mad that they can’t confront him with all that he’s done. We have to think of a member of the family with MH issues and not upset this person. Plus my husband is ill and we don’t want to be responsible for making him worse. So he gets away with it. I had a wobbly day today, he moved us a few years ago so far away from my family and friends. I just felt the loss today, but spoke to a good friend earlier and she’s supportive.
I wish I had a time machine!
Hope you’re coping today. Sending a virtual hug.

[Anonymous]

I can see you’re in a really difficult position, having another persons welfare to think of as well as the worry about your own partners health . It’s that feeling of entrapment that makes it’s all the more harder ,
like there’s no way out .
I’m glad your grown children are understanding and supportive , my kids are still young but I’d like to hope when they grow older they take my side so to speak and see him for what he is , it worries me so much that they’re growing up in such a toxic environment, although he’d never harm the children they must pick up on the awful vibes in the house between their parents however much I try to hide things. Right now if I were to leave I’m sure the boys would be devastated and their dad would fill their heads with all kinds of nonsense just to make things even more difficult and to get at me. This is what has happened in the past when I’ve attempted to end the relationship ..he also turns my friends against me where possible. I keep thinking I’m going to have to wait until my children are grown before I can finally get away and be free but by that time I think he’ll have worn me down so much I’d barely be able to function anyway! .. I have such terrible anxiety as it is and find day to day things so hard.
You say you have a councillor- that sounds amazing , did you go private for this or was it through nhs ? I find whenever I ask my gp for help I’m usually just given tablets and told that waiting lists for any kind of talking therapy are massive which leaves me feeling a bit defeated . Sorry for wittering on a bit , I understand you’re also in the thick of it it’s just nice to know I’m not alone , things will improve one day.they have to.

[Author]

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