This topic contains 8 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  KIP. 1 week, 4 days ago.

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  • #115232
     gettingtired 
    Participant

    Does anyone elses abusive ex or current partner uses drugs or alcohol? If so, how did you cope? How were you able to drop the guilt that comes with worrying about them or what may happen? Feeling sorry for them etc.
    I can’t help but feel really sad and sorry for my partner. How he must be so unhappy to use them as an escape from life.
    I’m not even thinking about the stress, anxiety and general bad times it can bring me. Not to mention being used for money.

  • #115238
     Bettertimesahead 
    Participant

    My husband is an alcoholic. He doesn’t want to stop. Was sectioned, detoxed, now drinking again. He made it perfectly clear to me that he chose drink over our marriage. So I chose divorce. I have had occasions where I’ve felt sorry but then I remember , he has not once since he went shown any semblance of an apology, remorse or anything. In fact hes proven more than once that I have totally made right decision. Decades of marriage later I now realise that.

    • #115276
       gettingtired 
      Participant

      That’s terrible @bettertimesahead. I’m so glad to bear you got out. Mine says he wants to change when things are bad (after he’s drank too much and feels ill) but I know it’s certainly never as simple as that x

  • #115241
     Lostforever 
    Participant

    My ex is an alcoholic. He’s lost everything and is homeless. I can’t tell you how hard that is, but he had so many chances. He isn’t sorry and doesn’t want to stop. It took me years to realise I couldn’t do it for him.

    • #115277
       gettingtired 
      Participant

      That’s really sad @lostforever and I guess being empathy we cant help but feel sorry for them. It’s difficult but I guess you cant help someone who wont be helped x

  • #115249
     KIP. 
    Participant

    You will always come second place to an addict. He chooses to put his addiction before you. He chooses to put you through that stress. Drugs and alcohol are never an excuse for domestic abuse. It sounds to me like he enjoys drugs and alcohol. Is he on a programme to help his addiction. Is he seeking outside help? He’s not your responsibility and abusers use guilt as a means of control. Fear Obligation and Guilt. The FOG of abuse.

    • #115278
       gettingtired 
      Participant

      Yes @kip, that’s the reality with addicts isnt it. No he isnt on a programme although has mentioned rehab a while ago but never again. Especially after I gently reminded him about him thinking about rehab which was shot down. I know it’s a guilt trap I just wish I didnt feel bad for him with all his problems and then using that as an escape from them. Honestly sometimes I really wish I wasnt so empathetic as it seems to be a hindrance in life! x

  • #115287
     KIP. 
    Participant

    It’s only a hindrance when people take advantage of it like here. He isn’t even trying to get help because he doesn’t want to. He’s happy that you’re suffering and he’s using that against you. He’s not stupid. They exploit that in us as they see it as a weakness. Maybe walking away from him will be his wake up call because he won’t have you there. He’s a parasite and he’s sucking the life and happiness out of you. You owe him nothing. He’s a grown man. All the years you’ve been with him and you haven’t managed to get him to stop. Walk away and let the professionals help Because you can’t. Walk away before there’s nothing left of you. In an abusive relationship we suffer and dive while the abuser gets in with their life with no thought to our happiness and health. Can you imagine old age with such a person when you’re vulnerable too x

  • #115288
     KIP. 
    Participant

    Imagine the stewardess on the flight when she says to put your own oxygen mask on first before you help others. You can’t help him until you are in a good happy safe place. So put your own oxygen mask on first. Then you will be in a good place to deal with him and that means getting free first. Can you consider a trial separation? To give you breathing space?

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