His day off – my fault its a wasted day

[Faceless]

All going well to begin with, he asked me to reply to an email so I did, mentioning that he needed (detail removed by moderator), and all of a sudden he flips. The house is a S**tTip*, I apparently said I wasn’t helping and refused to help, so his temper is in full force. He (detail removed by moderator) (to which I was so upset and said he had a major temper problem and how dare he) and rants about my refusing to help whilst going into the kitchen where our (detail removed by moderator) year old is, so I follow asking what was he going on about, as I was just helping by doing his email and never said I wouldn’t help with (detail removed by moderator) we were planning on putting away. He continues to rant and rave and then grabs a box and deliberately pushes past me by sticking his elbow into my neck/shoulder. I said he was (detail removed by moderator) (our (detail removed by moderator) year old was still there), and was sick of him hurting me. He says something along the lines of “what are you going on about, I never did anything” and then in the next breath says “its not his fault if i’m in the way and (detail removed by moderator)” (he’s nearly 6ft, I’m not even 5ft. He turns to our kid and says (detail removed by moderator) as I refused to help?!!! I lately have noticed I am struggling to get my breath when I get upset and today was no different. He tells me if I don’t like it I should leave, but I put the deposit down on the house, and he has it in his own name (complicated and it wasn’t supposed to be like that, but he’s refused to put my name on the deeds ever since we bought it, and the agreement was that I would have been on the deeds within the first year). He is a complete Jekyll & Hyde and a couple of hours later (detail removed by moderator), he’s acting as if everything is normal again and I shouldn’t be upset. I’m struggling to know what to do for the best, I have pets, and I already lost my previous house due to divorce and my ex taking everything, and now he’s doing the exact same thing and I don’t want to lose this one. My day is just cr*p, I can’t stop shaking.
Sorry for just going on about everything, I just needed to vent, as I feel so alone and helpless.

[KIP.]

Hi there. He knows he has you trapped so he feels he can abuse you as much as he likes. Have you spoken to a solicitor about the house. It must be awful for your son to witness this behaviour too. Are you in touch with your local women’s aid. Sadly abusers don’t need an excuse to abuse. The simply make it up, gaslight or change the goal posts. I doubt he ever had any intention of putting your name on the deeds.

[littledove]

Aww sending you big hugs!!

He sounds awful. You don’t deserve it at all. And must be so hard for your son as well.

I agree with Kip, he probably never had any intention on putting your name down on the deeds. He knows you now rely on him for a roof over your head.

Just remember your well-being/happiness and your son’s well-being/happiness is more important than a house. A house can be replaced, you might end up in a smaller house/flat, but that’s second to yours and your sons safety. When we realise what TRULY matters, it becomes easier to leave and live a life we and our children deserve xx

[littledove]

Also please read this on the “Getting Out” forum. I always recommend it to anyone struggling with a decision to leave, it’ll help a lot xx

A Significant Emotional Event – When We Really SEE What Is Important

[Faceless]

Hi Kip & Littledove

I haven’t thought about contacting my local Women’s Aid group, but in all honesty I sometimes worry that I’m being over dramatic and that I’m not being abused, especially when in between he can be so nice. I look and read others’ situations, and in comparison, I feel I’m being “pathetic”, and I should “show some common sense”.

I try and do things for him/his family ((detail removed by moderator) it goes on), but its always our kid that gets the recognition for it all. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t begrudge that, but I’m never thanked, and if I seek that, then I’m just a selfish person.

He came home from (detail removed by moderator) which then resulted in him saying things that I hate hearing and him say. I asked if he could stop talking like that, as its just constant, and if I had known he was like that when I met him, I would never had had a relationship with him. Once again, its a case of “it’s my house, I can say what I want”. Our kid then pipes in and starts saying about how fed up they are of hearing us argue and is inevitably quite rude to me especially, to which I respond that I don’t appreciate my kid talking to me like that, I’ve heard enough of it recently with the attitude etc., and just because he’s ok with them talking to them like that, I’m not. Once again, I feel its me against the world.

I now know that like you said Kip, he had no intention of putting me on the deeds, and has basically played me like a fool, but I feel that my kid is now becoming hateful towards us both, but especially myself.

I’m really strugging today, as this has gone on for so long now, that I feel like I’m wasting my life and I just want it all to end.

Sorry for yet again venting and sounding like a loser.

[Anonymous]

Faceless a lot of us have thought we were being over dramatic when in fact we were being under dramatic ( so to speak) they minimise and gaslight ( oh it was nothing , I don’t know what your talking about kinda thing) and then we kinda join in minimising and gaslighting ourselves , it’s harder to see when your in the personal bubble with someone , but please do speak to women’s aid and take care 💖💛💖

[Author]

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