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    • #34167
      phantasmagorical
      Participant

      It’s late and I should finally go to bed, but I have this rattling around in my mind and I want to get it out so I can rest better.

      For a long time he seemed oddly fixated on his previous long-term girlfriend. From the very beginning of our relationship he explained how she’d left him with all these demons.

      One day she came up in conversation and he remarked that he wanted her to suffer. I was quite startled by this and felt cautious asking why, but he said she manipulated him and pushed him away for a year (sounds very familiar!). He blamed having a fling / rebound relationship that made him feel dirty and disgusting because she had made him feel that’s what adults are supposed to do.

      He elaborated that he wanted her to suffer emotionally and if all she could get (in terms of access to him) was to like a picture of him on social media, then good, because she needed to be taken down a notch.

      Is it just me or does this sound vengeful? :s

      I wonder if he’s probably thinking the same of me now. Makes you wonder. I always thought he loved her more than me, and apparently when he’d get drunk with friends he’d talk about wanting to make amends with her. I don’t understand that. Why feel that way whilst in a relationship with me?

    • #34175
      Nova
      Participant

      …seriously P he sounds like the mini me of my ex!
      Exactly the same hatred for his ex wife and ex partner!!
      In the beginning I thought oh poor you, the way he described the women I thought omg why would they treat him like that! I need to rescue him! He used to text his ex, during the night, while in bed next to me! Saying they had their child to sort out (& time difference of countries) I’d think then, how am I supposed to feel as a new partner, in involved with all this mess?
      But he silenced me quick, by emphasising the child.. of course I was concerned about that, so I didn’t say a word, in fear. In reality he was manipulating us all for his own sick use, it was all about him and texting her, he could give a you know what about his children only himself.
      When the exact got re married he did the whole silence shut down..all communication stopped there and then…as he knew with a new man on the scene he’d be found out for who is really is! As long as the woman was alone, they were his prey and vulnerable, in secret
      That’s the key in secret with no one knowing. Horrible.

      Hope this helps you feel like your not alone in your experiences.

      Hugs C X

      • #34205
        phantasmagorical
        Participant

        I felt sympathy towards him as well, but also confusion because it seemed like his story kept changing about his ex. First he suggested he was responsible, then it’s like everything was her fault. I grew to dislike her as it felt like I was always competing with her, and I felt I had to try really hard to make him better / free from her.

        She seems to have been doing very well and happy for some time, I wonder if perhaps he’s envious of that as he mentioned how she came out on top and gets away with everything. I just wanted to focus on me and him, it was upsetting that he was fixated on her like that. xx

    • #34238
      Nova
      Participant

      Fixation is right, unhealthy fixation, and his need to control even now…someone who he is not even in a relationship with. I heard on counsellor video post, that narcs like to try to keep all the exs in their control even way down the line, if they find them useful! Like the odd text or a ‘connection’ of any sort..like mutual friends, family etc. Seriously, NO thanks to that, NC for me, it’s me protecting myself, never mind him or what he wants he’s firmly, out of the picture of MY life & freedom!
      Cx

    • #34289
      Ayanna
      Participant

      The ex abuser could not stop talking about his horrible last ex, who called the police on him.
      Much later I read into his story differently and did not see her as an awful person anymore.

      Today I know that I have to be very careful. I have taken him through the system and fought him like no woman ever did before.
      He must have a sick fixation for this reason and I have to be on my guard as he thinks of revenge for many years.

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