His Mental Health my Obligations?

[Anonymousandafraid]

My partner has gone completely off the rails (detail removed by moderator). One minute hysterically sobbing that he is worthless & hinting at suicide the next blaming me for his state of mind that I “did this to him” he has become verbally abusive to our kids who have confessed to me that they are angry and afraid (age removed by moderator)
He is frantic – it appears to be an anxiety state but he is refusing, reluctant to see our GP- he thinks literally everyone hates him
I feel so trapped- I cannot negotiate leaving in this state of mind & I am afraid to leave without my son
I feel I should “stabilize” him or situation first

[KIP.]

You need to get out with your children. They are afraid of him. Does he exhibit this behaviour in front of anyone else or is he putting it on for you as a means of control? If you’re afraid then ring the police. Speak to women’s aid, they are really supportive x

[Camel]

First priority is for you and your children to be safe. You don’t need to ‘negotiate’ leaving, whether permanently or just while he’s ‘off the rails’.

As KIP says, if you are afraid then call the police. Don’t feel guilty about this. Absolutely do not leave without your son. Do you have anywhere you can go? If not, ask the police to contact local support.

You’re not qualified or equipped to deal with his mental health. It’s a job for the professionals. If he threatens self harm or suicide call an ambulance on 999. They are obligated to respond. If he refuses to see a health professional then make an emergency appointment with your own GP. There may be action they can take to keep you safe.

[Flowerchild]

Are you a mental health professional, darling? If not, how do you propose stabilising him? If you are, you already know it’s unprofessional for you to treat him.

He might be acting up in an attempt to stop you leaving, or he might be having a mental crisis. Either way, there’s nothing you can do to help him. Your children’s safety and your own are paramount here.

Get yourselves to safety and alert the professionals to his state – your GP is a good place to start. A phone call is enough responsibility for you to take. Make sure the GP knows you’re feeling unsafe and getting out.

All the best, lovely. You aren’t helping him by staying where you’re not safe.

Flower x

[EbonyRaven]

You have nothing to feel guilty about. What he chooses to do when you leave with the children is up to him, although he is unlikely to actually do himself harm as he won’t have an audience.

As he’s abusing the children too then that is reason enough to leave for a place of safety. You can’t ‘mend’ him.

[Anonymousandafraid]

Thank you for replying – it was like a fever broke last night and he stabilized somewhat- which is I recognize is a pattern. We texted during my workday which feels safer because it is in writing but I know this period of “stability” is temporary until the next crisis. Now he’s “giving me a chance” to “fix it” for me to work with him to make amends. Of course when that fails or does not reach his standards he will be off again. He punched *himself* in the face in a recent spiral thankfully without the kid seeing, it was late at night.

When I point out really terrible behaviour -screaming at me screaming at kid threatening suicide – he has counter examples some real some grossly exaggerated or lies of omission where I “did worse” 3 or more years ago

My kid is traumatized by all this fighting & I fear traumatizing him more by leaving It is a waking nightmare

[KIP.]

You won’t traumatise your child more by leaving. You will be preventing and protecting them from trauma. Google the cycle of abuse. Contact your local women’s aid. This man is manipulative and dangerous. Get help and advice from your local women’s aid. Have you read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. He chooses to behave this way and actually tried to justify his behaviour. If he mentions suicide ring an ambulance for him. I bet he changes the minute they appear. Does he exhibit this behaviour in public or choose to do it to frighten you when there are no outside witnesses?

[Author]

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