Viewing 21 reply threads
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    • #80187
      EbonyRaven
      Participant

      The Salvation Army picked up all his stuff. He sent a list of ‘special’ things to get which included something my parents had bought me years before I met him lol.

      Suffice to say, he didn’t get that.

      Good to have it all out of the house.

    • #80194
      Flowerchild
      Participant

      Yay! Fresh air for you to breathe at last. Well done you.

      When you are up to it, are you able to repaint your place to make a new start? Even moving the furniture around, a new throw or cushions for a sofa or a poster for the wall can make a big difference.

      I find getting a new smell into a room makes a big difference; could be a candle or reed diffuser or even just the clean smell of furniture polish.

      Make it yours again and enjoy it!

      Flower x

    • #80205
      KIP.
      Participant

      Well done. Another positive step forward and his request for what belongs to you is not surprising. My ex did something similar. Bare faced cheek. Good riddance to bad rubbish. Keep moving forwards x

    • #80208
      lover of no contact
      Participant

      Ebony that’s fantastic. You are so lucky! Keep posting if any mixed feelings come up as hard to detox from them in the beginning. Celebrate today.

    • #80211
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      Yes what a great day, well done! Celebrate it. 🤗

    • #80255
      EbonyRaven
      Participant

      Thank you all. I celebrated with a cup of hot chocolate lol.

    • #80262
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Yay! My ex’s stuff went a couple of weeks ago too. He’s trying to make out he didn’t get (detail removed by moderator), but I know it was there. He has absolutely nothing I want and I’m glad to be able to use my spare room again. I think his family finally get that he’s not coming back.

    • #80270
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Great news! Excellent, good riddance to bad rubish indeed!

      Celebrate every day…remember how this feels, to be free of him, of how complex and exhausting every single minor interaction can be. How laden with abuse, and trickery and gaslighting, and take strength from having escaped it!

      Wonderful news, keep on with the hot chocs!

      🍵 to you both! 😊

    • #80272
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      That green cup of ‘something’ was a mug of hot choc when i posted it!

    • #80393
      EbonyRaven
      Participant

      Minty hot choc haha.

      Good on you Landy, that’s brilliant.

    • #80399
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      He’s still ranting about the missing item when he can, but I ignore it. He flatters himself if he thinks I care enough about him to want to keep anything he owns. And if he is so sure I’ve taken it, he can report me to the police. I knew he’d go down this route and told the police he would when he first left.

      Decorating every room in the house this year and loving having my own things back out.

      ER, it really is the small things you feel most happy about, isn’t it? Weirdly…..

    • #80400
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Actually, being able to live a life not being caught up in his conflict is great too. Can open the mail and the front door without worrying what will result, being able to talk to family, friends and neighbours and not having to put up with his toot everywhere.

      The controlling behaviour felt worse for me than the physical abuse and I hated feeling like an intruder in my own home. I owned the house and 90% of what was in it, but it felt like the other way around.

    • #80618
      EbonyRaven
      Participant

      I am 100% with you on that.

      Being able to say hello to someone I know who happens to be male if I see them out dog walking, and not worrying about it is so nice.

      I could list so many things that are better now.

    • #80650
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      Please oh please do list it here, it’s always nice to read the positive changes, and to re-read it on a rainy day you know 🙂

    • #80685
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hope life joy, here’s a ridicolour thing. …. I had a lovely olday red kettle which I loved. When we moved away, he told me he hated it and didn’t want it in the house, so hid it. I found it after he left and it’s now back in place on the stove.

    • #80686
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      Lol yeah 👍 I can just imagine that beautiful red kettle as a symbol of triumph every time you make yourself a cup of tea

    • #80687
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      I have my whole family here for a barbecue this weekend – could never have happened with him around. I used to spend most of my time avoiding him, even to the point of sitting in my car with a blanket all evening (and it’s my house). I was never allowed to watch anything on TV that I liked. Now I sit in my house watching what I like. And I’m not paying for everything either, so I can afford to treat myself to some things. Even buying a coffee was out of the question when he was around. He smoked heavily and was an alcoholic, so affording anything for me was out of the question.

    • #80688
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      Oh wow that’s fantastic, I’m so pleased for you, some normality back in you life.
      It’s just ridiculous how abusers don’t enjoy life and decide to make it a misery for everyone. He will die eventually of lung cancer or alcohol poisoning for sure.

      Time to open the champagne and celebrate your weekend with your family, you claimed your life back! Cheers and have a great great time darling. 🍾👏

    • #80734
      EbonyRaven
      Participant

      Other small things; If something isn’t working I can get someone in to fix it. Or, and this is a biggie for me; I can throw it out! No-one to have a sulk that I thought they weren’t good enough to fix it or put it back together. They couldn’t fix stuff, and never even got around to glueing a broken ornament back together for example.

      I have a skip full of defunct or broken gadgetry, and taken apart bookcases and cupboards that were wrenched apart so badly they’re cracked etc. (detail removed by moderator)

      The TV channel doesn’t get chosen for me any longer. Seriously, if he was going to bed he’d change the channel from his war or conspiracy theory documentaries to a cooking programme channel or similar, as apparently, that was my ‘level’.

      I can eat 3 chocolate biscuits from the packet and know they won’t all be gone by later in the day.

      There are no slogan mugs in my beautiful oak display bureaux.

      I went for a promotion interview not having been kept up all night the night before, not having been made late leaving, not feeling stupid and dull, not having had a fight over a nothing and being on the verge of tears, and actually feeling smart in the clothes and makeup I wore.

      More to come lol….

    • #80751
      Flowerchild
      Participant

      Hooray for you, Raven! Fingers crossed for the promotion. You deserve it!

    • #80775
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      How suffocating it is to live with them deciding everything for us, they truly think they own us! 🤢
      Fingers crossed for your promotion, your victory lies already is that you were able to enjoy preparing for it without having it sabotaged by your abusive ex.
      You go girl! 👍🤗

    • #80871
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      How about being able to post here and text and ring whoever you like without him looking over your shoulder and/ or trying to grab your phone/ tablet?

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