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    • #114001
      Freebutnothealed
      Participant

      I haven’t felt the need to come on here as much anymore I really felt a change in me, I was becoming stronger. My new life had started just me and my daughter. Still the drunken abusive texts and phone calls but I let them go over my head and ignored them for my daughters sake.
      Then (detail removed by Moderator) I feel like I’ve taken ten steps back. My ex asked if he could join us whilst me and little girl were out (detail removed by Moderator). I should of saidd no especially as it was only a few days ago he verbally abused me in (detail removed by Moderator) whilst dropping my little girl off. Anyway he came and we had a lovely day. A normal family day and it kills me cause those simple normal mundane things is all I want for me and my little girl. Just normal happy times not the verbal mental abuse i have put up with for (detail removed by Moderator) years. From the outside looking in we probably looked like that happy family unit I want so badly. I know it’s real and today was just act on his part acting like a fantastic dad. The truth is he really isnt bothered about our little girl not like how he should. I just feel so sad that this is our life and we will never be a family unit like we all imagine. He’s said the most hurtful hateful things to me things you wouldnt say to your worst enemy but he’s said them yet I still feel something. I can’t help it I’d never ever tell anyone that apart from on here. My family have been through all this with me and mu little girl and stuck by me, I could never go back I know that but I can’t help and wish things would be different for us.

    • #114002
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hi, I like the saying that no experience is wasted if we learn from it. We all want the happy family we thought we were going to get in the beginning but that too was an act on his part. Families come in all shapes and sizes today and you sound like you’re more than enough parent for your daughter and have extended family nearby. When your ex abuses you in front of your daughter it’s child abuse. The effect of this on children is long lasting and they are more likely to get involved in abusive relationships as adults so it’s important that she especially is protected from this. If it’s confusing for you can you imagine how confusing it is for a little give to see aggression then niceness in the cycle of abuse. The best advice I can give from experience is for you to have zero contact with him. All contact done through a third party or contact canter. You do not need to accept his abuse via text or directly. It’s bad for your health and that of your child. Any contact with an abuser is toxic. If you haven’t already then speak to a solicitor about parental rights. Make sure he cannot use your child or withhold them for leverage. He will use whatever he can to regain control and anyone is collateral damage. His abuse of you has simple carried on after separation and you now have more strength and support to stop this. Change your number and keep an a old phone only for his calls. Keep a journal and evidence of his abuse. Grieve for the relationship you thought you would have and try to move onwards to happier new memories away from his. He has shown you his true colours so believe him. And especially be very kind to yourself, you’re still very vulnerable to him and he knows it x

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