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I’ve posted here about a family member’s emotionally and psychologically abusive behaviour. I always say that there was never any physical violence but there’s one incident I’m struggling to make sense of. Basically they slapped my hand in the way someone might do to a child (and I was definitely an adult!). It’s not really an assault or anything like that but I feel as though it was still crossing a line. I don’t feel like I can call it abuse but then what the hell is it? Any help/advice to make sense of this would really help. It feels a bit stupid to be bothered by it tbh when it feels like something and nothing at the same time.
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Thank you KIP, I think that invasion of personal space thing is so important. It’s hard to explain what happened without details that could identify me but it happened during a time of stress, I was trying to do something and they didn’t want me to soslapped my hand to get me to stop (I was actually trying to help someone else at the time). I think that’s what was going on. Anyway I think the fact that it did invade my personal space has helped me make sense of it in some way. A lot of what they did resulted in me feeling invisible and unimportant,for lack of better words and I think that was just another thing that those things to me. Maybe this sounds a bit dramatic but it’s kind of dehumanising in a sense, like I wasn’t a person who had feelings and deserved consideration. Not just that but really the whole sum of everything.
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Who is this person to you and what as the “hitting” about? Why do you think they did it? It’s definitely not okay. Total invasion of your personal space and I am quite sure they would not like it if someone did that to them. Just trying to see what their “agenda” was all about. Seems as if they are trying to tell you something or control you in some way…? How did you respond because it seems like they are testing you to see if they can go further…?
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I know it’s a family member but what I am asking is “who are they TO you personally?”
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Oh they definitely wouldn’t have liked it if someone had done it to them! This person had a go at me for disagreeing with them and saying things they “didn’t like” so absolutely would have gone off on one if someone slapped their hand like that. Trying not to give away too many details but it was in public and I didn’t respond to it, partly because I was too shocked, partly because I was trying to control my own feelings and also because I didn’t really know how to react. I think the best I can explain it without giving specifics was that I was touching something — not a person — that they didn’t want me to. I’m sorry this is a bit vague!
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There’s two sides to this as well, for someone to slap your hand away in a public place is crossing a line. Your certainly not their child, they certainly feel ‘entitled’ to treat people this way. Bringing it to others attention could have stopped them in their tracks, you know how dare you do that. That tells them they crossed a line BUT we are conditioned to ignore bad behaviour, don’t give any reaction they’ll soon get bored sort of thing. Every time they do something that crosses your boundaries call them out. Every bad behaviour has consequences. Don’t keep quiet to keep the peace. Keep watching them, see if they treat anyone else the same/similar. Note it down, for your own peace of mind if nothing else. You can always keep well away from them at family gatherings in the future, don’t let them stop you going anywhere or using your voice. Noone will take my voice from me again.
Best wishes IWMB 💞💞 -
Thank you IWMB, thankfully I went no contact with them for a number of reasons so only really had to deal with their attempts to contact me, which were actually few. They’ve also since passed away, which is a whole other level of stuff to deal with. They could sometimes get aggressive with other people over certain things, but more with family I think, although they used to interact with very few people.
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