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Hi ladies. I’m hanging in here while we go through a quiet / settled period – probably mainly as he’s been working away a Lot! It really gets me down and when I listen to words in songs about ‘the person I used to be’, it’s like a major wake up call & I’m left thinking what the hell am I doing and how did i let him treat me this way for so long without me even realising. I’d have noticed if it had been a friend or family member!
Anyway just plodding. I have the kids to think about and they wouldn’t get it at the no.
Anyway… I saw a post recently about what have you bought yourself lately. So I’ve started a tiny few things in a cupboard where presents go so there would be no signs to anyone if they saw them. Just a few cheap but nice things like a pretty doorstop, garden plaque, heart to hang on a wall. I’m hoping it will just give me a lift when I think of it. Music helps a lot but then I end up not doing all the things I intend to!
I want to be able to be a different person for the kids instead of who I’ve turned into.
Wishing you all strength and hope while you go through everything you’re dealing with x -
Hi.
It is a facade the abuser puts you in via twists/lies, made up stuff, it is control, brainwashing, and stress.
In this you are losing lapses of time, it is the control your under. Hence the misery feeling and desire for another life and feeling your losing time. You are. You will not actually realize how much until after your out of the relationship.
The wake up you feel with words in music is your mind being triggered that something is not right, it is the mind relaxing momentarily from stress and control. (I was not allowed to listen to listen to music, it made me happy).
It is why you feel so eleviated when he is gone.
To wake up and have a life, you have get out of it. It is not healthy for you and the kids, it is not a healthy relationship, nor will he ever be. It will get even worse.
We are all here when you need to talk or need help. Hugs!
Chickadee
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