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I’m hours away from our home being on the market and finding it hard. My head knows this is the the right and only thing I can do but my heart is so sad and finding today like trying to walk through treacle to get it ready. In reality it will probably take some time to sell but it’s so frightening facing this on my own and knowing that’s it, that’s us over. X
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Sending you a big hug ❤️
You are doing the right thing. You really have no choice. It’s a completely new start for you and your kids. Take time just to let it sink it. You’re a stronger, wiser independent woman and mother.
I still worry that there is something he can do legally to object or prevent the sale? Object to the offers made? Object to the people buying? Object to the time scale? Stay alert X -
Hi and hugs you will be better once it is sold and you have your own place.
My abuser does a dirty protest. So the agents contact me first before any viewings so I have time to clean…
My house has been up for sale for a long time and it’s a night mare roll on till I have my own front door.
As KIP says be aware he may play up at any time.
FS xx
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I don’t think he can. It’s court ordered, he’s not living here and he’s signed the mandate to give me day to day running of it. All I need to do is inform him of offers but if they aren’t good offers I wouldn’t want to take it anyway. He’s always trying to scan though so no doubt there will be things that come up. With the legal papers signed though it’s just white noise, no substance x
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What is actually in his best interest and what he thinks are in his best interest are two totally different things. He thinks his best interests are served by keeping you hooked in. I’m not trying to worry you but my ex is making it extremely difficult for me to move on even years later. Stay strong and if I had any advice it would be to fight very hard at this stage to get free ❤️
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Dear ENF, i was just this very minute thinking about horrible relationships and moving forward and how it all works. The way that it ended with my ex and the months after was really horrible and even heartbreaking for me. I have had times that I feel so terribly heartbroken and devastated. Still now he is the first thing that I think about every day and I think about him and what happened every single day. But, in the whole grand scheme of life, what happened, the break up, the confusion, mind games and what ifs are all just a phase of time that you need to pass through. The most important thing is to establish at decision time is if what you had was healthy for all, fixable and benefited your life. My relationship was missing the essentials and I could not see how these could be fixed so it ended. When I am old and possibly with health problems I will be leading an independent life completely free of any abuse & this ‘mishap’ that I have made with him will be a long distant memory. x*X (time really is a healer. You might find it helpful to read How to Mend a Broken Heart by Christine Webber, that really helped me to see things more accurately when I split up).
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It might help to remind yourself that his happiness and good side was mainly when it was just you & him. You’ve also said how uncomfortable your children are with him. From these things its clear cut that a decent healthy relationship for all of you isn’t possible.
I remember once my ex said to me that he could not be with a woman who had dependent children as he would expect the majority of her time & attention. When he said that i thought ‘Hmmm that doesn’t sound right, you are going to be hard pushed to find a woman who would do that’.
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Thank you ha. I’ll maybe look at that. If I didn’t have this house it would be so much easier to walk away. Your right Kip, as I was writing “in his best interest” I realised how silly that sounds in light of my experiences with him. I offered to pay half his rent if he let me back with the kids while the house was sold and his share of the mortgage. He refused it all. In the end I’m currently paying his share but it has to be payed back at point of sale. He doesn’t think rationally, he just thinks how to get her back where I want her. This last week of boundary crashing has been a wake up call. He actually mocks me when I use the word boundary. Says, “but it’s me, u don’t need boundaries from me?!?!?” Doesn’t get it. X
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