Hopeless😞

[Neueranfang]

I don’t really know where to start.It’s been so very difficult recently.I thought it couldn’t get any worse when last year ended but this year hasn’t started well at all.
First we had to move and while I love the new place, it was all too much for me.I literally did it all by myself while looking after my two boys at the same time.I don’t even have a car.I did but I had a crash back in (detail removed by Moderator) and it was written off.So I had to rent cars and vans daily to move all our stuff from one place to the other with my kids who are too young to help.Anyway, just after the move I went back to work (detail removed by Moderator) and then my son became poorly.I already had 2 weeks off work in (detail removed by Moderator) as we all had Covid and I really wanted to send him to school so I could go to work but as he was vomiting in the night, I couldn’t send him and I’m glad I didn’t as it turned out to be so much more serious than I anticipated.I first thought he is a bit under the weather, then I thought it is a bug but when I couldn’t get his fever down and when noticing a rash, I decided to take him to A&E.Pretty early on but I knew something was wrong.He was diagnosed with (detail removed by Moderator) and ended up in Intensive Care.I stayed with him at the hospital and my other son stayed with his nan (my ex partner’s mum).My ex partner pretended to be supportive and concerned but he soon showed his true colours again sending me abusive texts while our son was so very poorly in intensive care.He helped out with our other son.After not really getting invited in the children’s lives for (detail removed by Moderator).I built up this life after leaving him and now I feel like I have been exposed.My ex now knows exactly what time I pick the kids up and where I take them for football etc.I didn’t have any help with the children for nearly a year.I literally did everything myself and obviously that wasn’t possible when I had to stay at the hospital with our younger son.When our son finally got discharged, we all met up (including my ex) at (detail removed by Moderator) as they wanted to see our son and it has been nice but unfortunately my ex turned on me since because he is jealous of the other people in my life.He basically hasn’t changed one bit and is daily sending me abuse regarding the other parents at our son’s football training etc.They have been asking him about me and that truly annoyed him.He can’t take the fact that I’m socialising since I left him , even if it is only while our kids are playing football.Because of that he put a stop to me seeing his family.His mum invited me for dinner and he told me to stay away.It is just so horrible.I feel like I haven’t even processed my son’s illness yet and I just keep going but how long can I do this?It’s just too much and it’s never ending.He is forever making my life hell

[Twisted Sister]

Hi Hopeless

oh, it really does sound like you have lots to hope for. You have moved forwards massively, and struck up good relationships all around you, and got out there with your children, with their activities, and clearly your MIL was happy to have you all around again. She must know what he’s like, and is maybe bullied by her son too?

you have to get back those boundaries you had before, and maybe the only way is a non-molestation order?
with power of arrest if he breaks it. You can’t go on living life with him doing his worst continually.

You’ve done so much, and I admire all you’ve achieved. Its very tough trying to move with young children, and no transport! You are awesome to have done all that by yourself, it would have beaten many.

Do keep posting here and getting support. Maybe there are other forms of support you could access locally, especially around his continuing abuse, so you can make some positive steps to put a stop to it.

warmest wishes

ts

I am so sorry to hear about such worrying illness for your child, and for you, so glad he’s recovered. I don’t know what that is, but it was obviously very serious.

Do you think his mother would be able to help, or willing to? Would it even be possible with him being the way he is currently? Could she even help out with dropping some shopping off for you, when she does hers? Maybe she’d like to pick up and drop at activities? So you don’t have to be there?

[Twisted Sister]

Sorry Neueranfang! I got confused and wrote your name as ‘Hopeless’ because of the text above my reply saying ‘Reply to: Hopeless’ …easily confused!

[Twisted Sister]

hi again

I hope you are doing ok today, I have realised what that illness is, and such a lot for you to deal with and manage. You could do with lots of support yourself, can your GP refer to some additional supports? Whether its counselling or some other form of a break for you and contact with others. It really is too much.

You have done so very well to get this far.

warmest wishes

ts

[Neueranfang]

Thanks so much for taking the time and read my post twisted sister.
It has been all a bit too much recently and I am feeling the impact of it now.Not only mentally but also physically.My son is much better and I have to go back to work asap really but I don’t feel up to it.I feel drained and don’t know how to change it.
My ex caused a lot of pain since I left him.I didn’t have any contact with his mum or the rest of his family prior to my son’s illness.My children’s school is literally next door to my MIL but she never helped.Only now.I was so upset all them months as I was very close to his family.All my family are abroad and of course I wasn’t allowed friends.So the only people I would socialise with would be his family.But once I left him, he put a stop to it and his mum allowed it.They made me pay hundreds of pounds for childcare so I can go to work when they were all next door to our children’s school not doing nothing.My ex is always around his mum’s and lives 5 min away.It is almost impossible to have a relationship with her and his sisters but without him.It just feels like I can never be free from him.When he is kind , I enjoy having a break from being called names but he soon wants something back for being kind and when I tell him, I won’t get back to him, the abuse starts again.Nearly a (detail removed by Moderator)… this has been going on.It was almost easier when I was with him.I just can’t keep going like this….

[liftingthefog]

Goodness what a lot to go though … I am so glad that your son is on the mend.
What a worrying and traumatic time you have had, you must be utterly exhausted.
Remember when you were with your ex. Mine and I am sure so many others on here used to be at his absolute worst if I was ill or had something else that emotionally was hard for me.
Guess what, he is probably just pressing all those old buttons. You’ve had a shocking traumatic time with your son and when you should be healing (both you and your son) and gently coming through this he is once again getting you when you are down.
Remember that you built that life for ‘yourself and your children’ over the last year and do not allow him to knock your confidence and sabotage that.
Rest, heal and don’t allow him or his family to take what little energy you must have at the moment.
Love and best wishes
Xx

[Hopefulgreyrock]

Sending you so much love!!!

I am not in your shoes at all but i know what you mean about not being able to take in your sons illness yet because of him.

I suffered an ectopic pregnancy which ending in (detail removed by moderator). The whole ordeal was sround  (detail removed by moderator). He blocked me through it all and continued to (detail removed by moderator) after wards. Sensing me one or two emails after saying sorry (detail removed by moderator). I was in the discarding phase. Anyway, i tell you this because since the I’ve had to deal with him. Just him consumed with his behaviour, manipulation, psychological ups n downs. So its only now, (detail removed by moderator) can i grieve and cry rhe tears. I couldn’t u til now because i wasnt allowed. All the tears were about him. My head *******.

I hope you find some rest bite soon. X

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