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Hello this is my first post and the title explains exactly how I feel. I’m in a long term relationship with a man who I’ve been with since my teens and it has always been jaded by emotional and verbal abuse, threats and intimidation. Periods of calm, then days of snide comments and guilt tripping. In the past there has been a couple of instances of physical violence too. He’s always the victim, it’s always my fault and the sad fact is he’s so n**********c he actually believes it. I’m just absolutely exhausted with it all, and feel so trapped. I truly believe my life would be a living hell with or without him. We have beautiful children and I feel so guilty for them having to witness and hear his nasty behaviour I don’t want them to believe this is a normal relationship but equally I don’t know how to speak to them about what is going on because they are so young. He is a functioning alcoholic and I’ve always excused his behaviour because he’d been drinking but I know deep down there is no excuse.
I’ve confided in my family to an extent about us but I know they are frustrated and ask why don’t I just leave? If only it was that easy, I’ve got no one to talk to, no friends or family live near I have no escape, when I do travel to visit family he ruins it every time by harassing me by phone or text leaving me anxious and stressed. He’s so nasty I wouldn’t put anything past him. To be completely honest if I thought I would be free and safe from him I would have left at least a decade ago. Anyway just needed to say how I feel for once. I write this with tears in my eyes. My kids are the only thing that keeps me going and existing in this hopeless situation. -
I dont know much about alcholic side but I know there are many on here that can help you there sweetie but I know one thing if I could have my time again I would have left when my kids were little. Im still here with adult older teen kids and I will never ever forgive myself for never seeing never accepting i still dont actually never understanding and never leaving. My kids as hard as i try to protect them they have been scarred by my husbands behaviour and me staying. We just dont want to see it. I cant tell you to leave like i said im still here but I can tell you is all of what you have said me and many many ithers on here will understand and get, alchol or any substance is not an excuse for him to treat you the way he does, there is no excuse and you and your children deserve better and can get better.
There are people who when you are ready days weeks even years from now no matter when that is they will help advise and work with you, you have just gotta find that bravery deep within to reach out and ask for it.
You say you talked to family thats amazing well done, and no they wont really understand they will try which im sure means the world to you hang on to them sweetie talk to them as much as you can. Just keep talking sweetie you are not alone. This is an amazing page with amazing women who will come along and help you further I just didnt wanna read and run.
Stay safe xxxxx -
They tend to blame and place fault on the survivor making up wild stories and accusations to fit what ever garbage they have come up with.
It is great you have made this post and found this.
He has no right to hurt you.
Please keep safe. Reach out for help and keep reaching.
Perhaps you can try domestic violence counsellor or similar.
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