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    • #59733
      mum@pop
      Participant

      Hi,

      My son has mental problems and also is violent when drunk. After putting up with it for about (detail removed by moderator), and numerous police visits and second chances – he is gone for good. We’ve not seen him for months but all doors are locked and he isn’t getting back in.

      The housing have been round for a property survey and many doors have holes in them where he hit them – I work and can’t replace them in 1 go – i’m struggling as it is as got in debt due to trying to help my son over the years so I have debt here too.

      I feel a victim again and even though one housing officer was nice, the other person just wants everything fixed asap – I have had years of not caring about my house, it is clean but needs painting to tidy it up and the new doors – i have underlying mental ill health and just work and come home exhausted as I also have a stressful job and debts to manage – now this on top

      Has anyone else had to deal with this – it is a housing association property
      I can’t get a loan from anywhere to do it quickly and have nothing left at the end of the month

      thank you for any help

    • #59734
      mum@pop
      Participant

      And just to add, he said it doesn’t look like a home, well it doesn’t as any nice things i had or nice pictures usually ended up getting broken, so i gave up trying to have a nice house.

    • #59743

      Dear mum@pop
      this is a really difficult thing to be going through and I feel for you that you had to experience it.
      Personally I think you did the right thing, drawing your boundaries.
      I too, am in social housing.

      What occurs to me is that there should be a policy and plan for familial abuse, which this is.

      You did not cause this damage, and you should therefore not be required to be put under pressure to fix it.

      It is really out of order for people to come into your house and say ‘it does’t look like a home’.
      As long as you pay the rent it is none of their business.
      It is difficult enough with a teenager (how messy they are, things getting broken, shortage of time etc) as a lone parent.

      without someone offering ill informed judgements which are intrusive and disheartening.

      Reach out for support where you can . WA, victim support e.tc.
      It sounds like it would be good if you had someone at your side to represent you in negotiating on repairs etc.
      all best
      ftc
      x

    • #59825
      mum@pop
      Participant

      Thank you for the reply i have emailed victim support
      The housing office was lovely and suggested money help and victim support, but nothing has happened as i really struggle with having a low wage – and mental health problems of my own. i don’t get any help – i used to get ESA for my bipolar but got kicked off, the interview was so degrading, i got a job eventually and now work full time.
      i just haven’t got spare money – sh did say they would maybe replace them – he kicked holes and punched them, but the chap that came after kept going on about me being vulnerable and at risk, then told me i can get someone cheap to fit a door for a tenner – i’ve been quoted £40 to £50 just to fit a door, then the doors are about £35 as they are not standard sizes! i’m trying to get better and get over everything and feel harrassed – oh and i told them i can carefully fill the holes and paint the doors to look nice but was told no, they want new doors

    • #59827
      KIP.
      Participant

      Have you tried citizens advice. They were really helpful and will know of other agencies that may be able to help. Please try not to let this get on top of you. It will take a while for you to get your strength back physically, mentally and financially. I agree they should have a policy for abuse victims. You should be given time to get back on your feet. Broken doors will get replaced in time.

    • #59856

      I wondering about your social housing provider lovely. Is there any chance they have a female domestic abuse recovery worker? We had one to support people with employment et..c.

      Would second the CAB idea.

      Finally, as far as the money is concerned if you can and it is not too much you could go on Turntous website.

      They have benefits checks – but also different charities for different areas and circumstances that give money. It takes a while but some do grants for unexpected and difficult expenses which might be worth a shot.

      In the long term I’m wondering about your ESA and wondering if you can get medical evidence together to support you there. Perhaps how you feel has worsened – I know it is stressful applying again.

      Finally could you do an access course and take yourself back to college. Sometimes it is difficult but the grant e.t.c might give you a breathing space and if the college/uni is good there are internal support provision like counselling et.c. on offer also.

      do wish you well
      all best
      ftc
      x

    • #59939
      Tractor
      Participant

      Hi mum@pop

      how bad are the doors? can you not fill them and paint them ?

      they should actually have a repairs policy , vulnerable persons policy, domestic abuse and safeguarding policy. I would suggest that you put in writing your situation regarding your health and ask for a copy of their policies – within there somewhere it will mention about non recharges if its a DV incident etc . Did you report of it to thepolice ? if so provide the crime reference numbers . Do you have any support workers ? also ask them to write to them on your behalf , also ask the MP to support you.

      Good luck and well done for having the strength to not have your son back. x*x

    • #61401
      mum@pop
      Participant

      Thank you everyone

      at first, the female housing office was lovely
      she said as he had mental health issues, and i had rung the police, i might not have to pay for the damage
      The doors are easily filled, sanded and painted.
      She said this male office would come and make my house safe
      he was horrible
      told me i have to pay
      the front door only has 1 lock, the female office said it wasn’t safe – he ignored that.
      the back gate has no lock, as the house sunk and the gate is loose, he never sorted that.
      he even looked at one of my sons, who is shy, and asked me – does he having learning problems!!!
      said things like, it doesn’t look like a home, you don’t have a telly and couch – erm i clearly do

      i have skills and a course is not on the cards as i work full time – i would love to go to uni but at (detail removed by moderator) i can’t afford it and think i’m too old now and have all this to cope with

      i pay 100 a month for rent arrears, owe 2000, all from helping out family and neglecting the rent

      i have a day off next week and will ring around

      if i could just get a cheap flat with my 2 boys, i could get straight and maybe drop a day of work, so less stress

    • #61414
      Tiffany
      Participant

      I would contact the helpful housing officer again and put in a complaint about her male colleague and ask if someone else can come and secure your house, at the very least. I hope you get this sorted. Good luck.

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