How am I supposed to move on from what he has said to me?

[RelearningMe]

 

Yesterday my husband called me a c**t. Specifically, he looked me in the face and said “(detail removed by moderator)” This was in response to a very lighthearted comment. There’s been a common theme recently that everything I say is taken as an attack on his character. Jokes and light hearted banter are all vicious comments to him.

I spent the rest of my evening sneaking to the bathroom to cry and be alone after he said it and then justified himself when I said it wasn’t okay to call me that.”(detail removed by moderator)”

This interaction caused a relapse in my mental health and has put in me in a bit of a crisis to be honest.

 

I have been mourning overthe fact that he promised he wasn’t going to call me that the last time this happened, its at least the 3rd time this year this specific comment has come up. I’m left wondering if there is something wrong with me and the things I say. I feel like I spend all my time trying to make his days better and easier but I don’t think it’s noticed or appreciated.

How do I accept what he’s said and move on from it? I do not feel like I am strong enough to leave yet but I cannot be attacked and mocked and verbally poked at for being upset any more. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore tbh.

[Karisqq]

No matter what happened he shouldn’t use such an offensive slang. Remember, what he thinks or says are more about his feeling and his personality, but not you. You can’t control how he responses to things do you? Do you think it helps to write things down? To me it helps clearing my head and expressing my feelings. Leaving is hard and it’s ok that you think you’re not up that decision yet, just take your time and be kind to yourself. And you’ll know your way soon.

[Bananaboat]

So sorry you’re experiencing this, my ex used this term to the point I became desensitised to it, but it’s not ok. If safe to do then keep your boundary and say it’s not ok to call me that, it’s another game to them to keep destroying your self esteem and to do things/say things they know we don’t agree with. There’s nothing wrong with you and you definitely don’t deserve to be called that. x

[Sad and alone]

Totally understand why you’re upset. After all this is your partner in life and they should not have any reason to call you that. Or anything! Unfortunately I’ve found that if they find a particular thing that upsets you they’ll continue to use it. Whether it’s a name or accusing you of being a certain way or that you’re like a certain person that they know you wouldn’t want to be compared to. The last one is a speciality of my other half which he pulls out every now and again, looking to get that reaction from me.

As hard as it is, try not to take what he says to heart. I have been called a myriad of names over the years, the new one recently was a (detail removed by moderator). It is upsetting but try to think to yourself does it matter what he thinks of you any more? His opinion is worthless. It became worthless the first time is was abusive. Remember that, and try very hard not to react to anything unless it’s in a very calm fashion, like you’ve said reminding him you’ve asked not to be called that.

It is difficult dealing with the switch. One minute you’re having a laugh or talking about someone, the next you’re under attack and you don’t even know why. I just try and stay quiet and let him verbally wear himself out and hope to get back to a period of non abuse (I won’t say normality any more) as quickly as possible.

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