How can you tell if it’s a joke?

[Anonymous]

Speaking to my partner by text and I tell him about a woman (detail removed by moderator). It was at knifepoint, but I didn’t mention that (he has the radio on all day at work so it’s very possible he knew that part, but I can’t be sure!). Anyway, his response was ‘that will be me doing that to you next’ to which i asked him why and he said because he could! I told him he couldn’t and he said simply – watch me!

That’s not normal is it? He’s a psychological
Abuser, not violent. It’s hard to tell via text if he meant it joking, but who jokes about stuff like that?

Thank you all xx

[Hopesprings]

That’s not funny. you need to get yourself away from this man!

[Ayanna]

I would not take this as a joke, rather as a threat.

[Serenity]

Hello Time To Move On,

My ex was very much one to make these kind of comments.

For example, he would ‘joke’ that a man can’t possibly rape his wife ( suggesting he is entitled to sex whenever he wants) and he also joked about other things.

I passed it off as his weird sense of humour, as I didn’t want to believe it meant anything more ominous than this.

However, from who he has shown himself to be since his mask lifted, I believe that these moments when they ‘joke’ about things that are worrying or on bad taste, it’s in those moments that they are letting us see the real them- their darker side.

I would be very careful. He doesn’t sound nice at all.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think kidnap is funny either and I don’t understand how it can be a joke. I have a good sense of humour and wouldn’t joke about something so serious as this.

He then went silent for ages, which made me even more nervous.

For the first time ever it did really scare me. I’ve been more assertive with him lately and I do wonder if this is some form of escalation seeing as I’m not responding as much to his usual techniques?

TTMO xx

[Hopesprings]

It could be yes. I found with my ex that as I got more confident and successful he really upped the ante. There was definitely more physical abuse in the last 6 months of the relationship than their had been in the whole X years. And he got nastier with his words too.

I think you should get out before he shows you just how vicious he can be. Take care and be safe. Call women’s aid they will help you xx

[TotallyHuman]

I often have issues like this with my father. He often says things such as the “rape” comment to my mother and I often am offended or scared by some of the things he says to which I am told that he is just “teasing”

If they cause you feelings of unsure or uneasy then clearly your gut is telling you something.
Even if it turns out to simply just be “a joke” that sort of attitude can lead to other things. But Do not neglect those alarm bells ringing in your head!

It’s probably best to keep document of what has been said, texts or write down after conversations or what not. If worst comes to worst and you need to report it – you’ll have evidence to help you get to safety and fast.

Stay safe xx
Keep us posted on how things go if you can x

[Booboobeedoo]

I think you should have a conversation with him,if you feel safe to so so and explain calmly how it made you feel and how you don’t find that type of comment part of a normal relationship. If he contests this or argues I think that answers your question.. If he states it was a joke and it doesn’t happen again fair enough. But if he has a real sense of entitlement when it comes to what he can do to you as his partner.. You need to leave.

[Anonymous]

Thank you all.

My outreach worker says its not funny and that the silence afterwards is meant to make me scared. I will be honest and say that it is the first time I have ever been nervous of him.

I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I don’t feel as though I can just ask him outright what he meant by it. I’m not physically scared of him, I think it’s because I’m scared I am going to say something that I can’t take back and that he will leave – even if I haven’t done anything wrong and he has been awful to me!

I’m so confused x

[Falling Skys]

TTMO

I was scared to do anything as he made everything my fault. He made/makes me fell like a rabbit caught in the headlights.

Your confusion will only clear when you distance yourself from him.

Hugs

FS xx

[Anonymous]

That’s how I feel FS – I’m truly sorry that you are experiencing this as well. Massive hugs to you.

I am getting to the stage where I think I am ready to leave. We have children which is the hard part but after meeting with an outreach worker this week I am finally getting it into my head that he has a screw loose and that this isn’t my fault.

I’m tired of walking on eggshells never knowing what kind of mood he is going to be in, being in debt up to our eyeballs and not even having money for our kids swimming lessons while he wants to waste thousands on something he doesn’t need.

Grrrrrrrr x*x

[Whathaveidone]

I feel like this too. Mine once said along time ago as a ‘joke’ – “The reason why men get married is so that they can have sex on tap…” I did not find this funny but to this day that remark still bothers me. We’re not married but we might aswell be because of the emotional hold he has on me.

[Malaya]

Urgh I hear you, I get told I have no sense of humour anymore and I’m no fun and miserable because I don’t find his “jokes” funny. Like reminding me he has a shotgun (removed by moderator) (legal and licensed) or taking the p**s out me struggling due to my illness, or how many times I’ve messed up or made a mistake
Funny how we all seem to have a great sense of humour and fun when our “men” aren’t around hey?!

[Author]

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