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    • #167881

      I have been feeling the last couple of days that how have I managed to stay in this situation for so long? I first started to wonder if my marriage was emotionally abusive (manipulation, coercive control,verbal abuse) in (detail removed by Moderator) and have since separated (detail removed by Moderator) from husband. Marriage for (detail removed by Moderator) years but together for (detail removed by Moderator). But I can think back to issues before then. How can I not have realised? I only started to put things together then, and to then start noticing patterns. I’m an intelligent women. I started counselling today and it’s made me think back and reflect on lots on what has happened. There have been many good times, so I guess that that confuses things. But feeling a bit annoyed with myself this evening.anyone else had similar feelings?

    • #167903

      I’m there with you. Not long out of a marriage , that I’d hoped to mend with material things and a house move. I finally snapped and called the police, and suddenly I’m in a new world. I don’t know when I realised it was truly an abusive situation, I think I just thought it was alcohol and depression, and that a miracle might happen. I’m struggling with the realisation that this is it. My last sight of him (I suppose until/if it gets to court) was of him being led away in handcuffs and shouting’I hate you, you f*****g b***h’. My whole marriage seems like a dream. I do think it is a boiling frog syndrome thing, my friends are shocked at stuff that in the end I just brushed away in the hope tomorrow would be a better day and he would get the alcohol under control. I realise this probably doesn’t help you, but you are not alone. X

    • #167955

      today has been a massive day for you and a great step forward. a lot of things came up for me during my time at counselling and i was hard on myself for ignoring signs , carrying on and allowing this to happen whilst minimizing his behaviour and asking myself why didnt i leave when this happened or when that incident occurred etc. its totally normal to feel this way as you will be seeing things from a different perspective ow that you are out of the situation and as time goes on with the help of your therapist and lots of self discovery and self care you will be able to be easier on yourself and realise you did what you had to do at the time to survive and like me probably always try to see the best in people and hoping tomorrow is a good day like some previous times in the relationship. which makes you a really good person and deserving of so much more in your life. stay strong and carry on one day at at time or one hour at a time of a day feels too much, there is a whole lot of joy and freedom waiting for you. xx

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