Viewing 3 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • #146912
      orchid7
      Participant

      I am feeling heartbroken. I am finding it difficult to process how this all happened. How it went from what it was like at the start of the relationship to how it is now; after I have left and quite a number of months down the line. How did it go from the start to how it was when we moved in together. How did it go from that to being stuck in a house where he hated me. Where he found me so annoying. Where he didn’t want to do anything with me. Where he was so close but so far away from me. Where he was so excited about a life that I was not included in. Only when it looked good for him. All the lovely memories, how did they turn so bad. It was my life and now it’s gone. Time has passed and it’s just gone. I have been scared to feel like this so I have been doing everything I can to stop the sadness but I feel like I just can’t keep avoiding it anymore, do I have to go through it? Or is there a way to not feel this x

    • #146921
      Twisted Sister
      Participant

      Hi orchid7

      I am sorry you are going through this at the moment, its tough on you, but yes, its part of the painful processing of the trauma you suffered, to feel this way. You won’t always feel this way,but I think your mind has decided its time to chuck it out there and deal with the emotions of it. It can feel like its sweeping you away with its power, but it will come to an end, it will stop, and you will be relieved of this burden once you go through this recovery process. Do things to try to support yourself, and treat yourself, and to cheer yourself up from time to time, as much as you can. Its a time to really nurture yourself, like you would anytime you feel rubbish and just want to curl up in bed, do what you need and be patient with yourself.

      warmest wishes

      ts

    • #146933
      Bananaboat
      Participant

      Hello, sorry you’re feeling all this. I think the problem is, and why we stay hoping, is that we believe that nice, loving version is the real them. Sadly that’s not the case, it’s a face they put on to hook us in. Like when you go for a job interview and you’re super friendly, polite, would never swear and six months into the job you’re effing and jeffing at the coffee machine (but that on steroids for abusers) Don’t be mad at ‘falling for it’, they are masters at what they do, but do learn from it so you don’t do it again. Let yourself be sad, let the tears flow, I always say it but you’re going through a break up! It’s ok to wish it was different, you’ve lost a future you thought was real but these abusers are great at future faking too. Emotions are like the weather, even if it’s rainy now, the sun will shine again xx

    • #146935
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      It changed cos you can’t fake who you are when your with someone the majority of the time, he has no reason to pretend he’s somethings he’s not anymore cos he’s obviously got comfortable enough to show you who he is and has no reason to put that act on, the minute he senses you pulling away watch how he changes and starts being nice again, but that nice? Is just fear and acting and from not wanting to lose (especially if you are their primary source) they don’t care about us really they just care about the resources they gain from us and what they get from us, at the beginning they get caught up with their own weird too much over the top almost uncomfortable too much charm and when they see we are actually human they get disappointment and not prepared to worship them and give them anything and everything they want they get disappointed and angry and also the fact we’re not prepared to put up with their bad behaviour (they don’t like that, manipulators and users don’t like boundaries and being told no) if you take his actions personally and keep trying hard to please you’ll be headed for a downward spiral and loop of draining, anxiety and severe metal health breakage (if this hasn’t happened already, please trust me in the fact it will) if you can get out now it will save you sooner rather than later, and please don’t listen to his excuses his begging and harassment’s if/when you end it, a man who is angry and scared that you won’t let him use and abuse you anymore isn’t a man you want or need in your life at any point in this lifetime 🧡🤗🧡

Viewing 3 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.

© 2015 Women's Aid Federation of England – Women’s Aid is a company limited by guarantee registered in England No: 3171880.

Women’s Aid is a registered charity in England No. 1054154

Terms & conditionsPrivacy & cookie policySite mapProtect yourself onlineMedia │ JobsAccessibility Guide

Log in with your credentials

or    

Forgot your details?

Create Account

Skip to content