How do I hold my nerve

[tiredofitall]

I’m not scared of being on my own, I’m not worried about how ill cope after he is gone but I am worried that he’ll wear me down with the constant talking about how he is the victim because I’ve decided to end things. Every single thing he brings up is a twisted version of the reality without any of his components. We absolutely have to ignore his (detail removed by moderator) cannabis addiction – that’s as a result of how miserable i make him. We ignore his binge drinking – again my fault. We ignore the mood swings, the constant criticism of me, the kids, my family – all reasonable to justify why he behaves the way he does. Its amazing how he does it but its so wearing when its all you hear.. late at night and first thing in the morning with phone calls to work in between. Why is he clinging on to thus relationship when he’s spent years threatening to leave or commit suicide. He’s saying (detail removed by moderator) I work full time and pay the mortgage and all the bills because he can’t find work, (detail removed by moderator)  But he refuses to leave, threatening it all the time but always a reason not to. (Detail removed by moderator).

[Hereforhelp]

Hiya, yes they work and Twisted Sister has posted a link as you can do it for free…
The less you see/hear from him the stronger you will get… you are coming out of the FOG, he senses the change and is working on your head to get his own way but think about it this way…. he’s telling you it is all your fault, addiction, moods and everything (my husband did the same at this point, I used to try and secretly record him as when I listened back I could hear the emotional abuse_manipulation)…. if he is soooo unhappy he would leave, because he is a lying narc he isn’t going without getting something from you or he will try and bring you down with him, he doesn’t care… Have you got a free 30 mins with a solicitor? That infound helpful and went to a few who were DA trained….

Keep holding in there tiredifitall, keep pushing forward and trust only you and your gut as where you are now is so draining, i do get it and i feel for you… big hugs ❤

[Bananaboat]

Educate yourself on abusers, watch his behaviour not his words, use this forum, keep and revisit a journal, focus on you & kids and try so hard not to bite. It’s awful isn’t it, that constant drip drip drip of negativity and blame. The drugs and drink are his choice, I used to get blamed for them, but something went pop and my rose tinted glasses fell off and I think learning about all this, realising they are all the same, realising your not alone is a major help. Visualise what you want next Christmas or next holiday to look like – your kids only get one childhood how do you want them and you to remember it x*x

[tiredofitall]

Thank you all for your support. I feel like I keep repeating myself on here but it’s so hard when I have to hold everything in so as not to give him a reaction and I’m screaming inside all the time. No-one understands unless you’ve lived with someone like it and you can all relate to the mind games and the control and the hard work involved in getting through a day! Thank you all. I think I’ll be needing you again before I get to the end of this but I need to keep my eye on the prize. Thank you.

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