How do I know if he’s abusing her?

[ultimatelyStrong]

My daughter is very young. Her dad sees her a lot (court ordered) and so far she is happy to go and happy when she comes back. I choose not to FaceTime or call when she’s there because he will use that time to get into my head. I feel bad, like I’m failing her for not calling when she’s there. I just can’t do it.

How do I know if she’s genuinely ok while there? Right now I’m not worried. He’s doing everything right but that’s not the norm. He’s been playing a game while he waited for the court outcome. I hope he carries on making her happy I really do, because she loves him to bits.

Social services have told me to look out for signs of emotional or physical harm. I’m scared I’ll miss something.

Any advice? Do I just need to trust my gut? Trouble is I’ve been told so many times my gut is wrong I now don’t trust it!

[Watersprite]

Hello
Firstly well done for getting out always brave
– Trust your gut absolutely no doubt he will have told you otherwise but it’s there for a reason. Listen hard to it and then you can reason what it’s telling you – is there something to worry about or anxiety from the past
– most protective thing is your relationship with her always encouraging openness talking and listening with curiosity open ended questions how was it? What did you think about these how did it make you feel why
Even from a young age. Empower her to say yes and no to things and teach her what is healthy behaviour and what is not ok
– NSPCC good site.
– Watch for bed wetting withdrawal clingy ness fear sexualised behaviour sudden changes in behaviour
Social services have looked at it too so flag and keep flagging any concerns to them.
Even asking the question shows how protective you are – trust in you x

[cakepops]

I would keep a log of any issues – as above things like bedwetting, behavioural issues etc. However, I don’t think its sensible to log these unless you can prove a pattern as this can be used against you in court (see as parental alienation to raise unfounded concerns).

If you do start identifying issues there might be children’s workers at the WA group in your area that can help support her.

[ultimatelyStrong]

Thanks for the replies. I’m worried I’ll record everything and in the end look like I’m just looking for stuff! It’s so hard to find a balance! I suppose I just need to trust I know my child and when/if there’s something wrong she’ll let me know one way or another. She’s only little but is very independent already.

[Watersprite]

I would definitely keep a log it can be for your record you don’t have to share it but it is there if there is a pattern of concerns or anything of significant concern – report it. Child protection before anything else. Good that currently things are fine let’s hope they continue but also good you are fully aware he is an abuser and have your eyes wide open x

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