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    • #122146
      Hopefulwishes
      Participant

      Hi ladies
      I’ve had a really down few days. I hate feeling like this I’m usually really bubbly. I know it’s because I’m struggling to take anymore now and even just been in this house with him is driving me insane. I’ve read on here that a lot of people will just leave when the other person is at work and they know nothing about it. Unfortunately due to lockdown he is home every minute of everyday and he cares for our young daughter whilst I’m at work. I just don’t know how to leave. I feel like this could only happen after he kicks off at me and I say I’m not doing this and walk out. The problem I have is that I won’t have anything of mine or the children’s. I was going to try and pack just an outfit each for us and take it to my new property so at least we have something. His mum knows things aren’t good but doesn’t know the full extent and said he can’t stop you taking your stuff out so I’m hoping with her organising it I could go back to the property to pack our things and she would have him out of the way.
      I just don’t know what to do. I just know I can’t stay here much longer it’s not fair on me or my children.

    • #122153
      gettingtired
      Participant

      Hello, I’m in a similar position to you in that my partner is never out without me.
      I’ve also considered confessing to one of his parents that he’s abusing me and that I need to get out in the hope they could create a diversion but I’m not sure if I can trust them.
      Can you definitely trust his Mum? Will she know where the property you’re moving to is?
      If you already have a property you’re going to move into could you start siphoning things there on your way/way back from work?
      I know how horrible it is to feel trapped so I do really sympathise. I hope you’re ok xx

      • #122209
        Hopefulwishes
        Participant

        Hi

        It’s a tricky one with their parents isn’t it. They will nearly always have their sons back because they are their child but I think with his mum she knows what he is like to a certain extent and she fled an abusive relationship with his father so I would like to think she would understand and be supportive. She doesn’t know where the new house is and this is something I don’t know if to tell her. I don’t want him knowing where I am. I still want to maintain a good relationship with her for my daughter. Hope you are ok too I’m struggling more than normal recently. I am going to try and sneak some bits out of the house on a morning when I go to work.

    • #122210
      Hetty
      Participant

      Is there anywhere you can store items and tell him you’re having a clear out? I managed to get my car packed up with as much stuff as I could and he didn’t actually kick off. Don’t bank on that though. I was so fed up I’d have called the police if he’d tried to stop me and I think he knew it. Just hold in mind that leaving is a dangerous time. I actually managed to get a few more items once I was out as he wanted to save face and be mr reasonable to others. I still left more than I would have liked. Think through what the most important things are that you want and need and focus on those. My child had loads of toys but I worked through what he actually needed and would miss. The rest he didn’t care about. It was really important to me that I got out sentimental items. I kept them in a box under the bed which wasn’t an usual thing for me to do so I didn’t make my ex suspect. It made leaving easier as I knew where stuff was. Also take photos of important documents. I emailed them to myself at work in case he got hold of my phone. I felt awful doing so much behind his back but self preservation kept me going.
      I didn’t have a final massive kick off to get me to leave. I was more ground down and just thought I can’t take another minute of this. He was doing his usual routine of stonewalling me Xx

      • #122211
        Hopefulwishes
        Participant

        Thank you for your advice. I was thinking of saying I’m having a clear out. To be honest my older children it would be their TVs so that would be as I left or at a later date if I could get back in and it’s all of our clothes. I’ve already got paperwork out or most of it. I’m struggling on how to say I’m leaving as he’s here all the time. I can’t deal with it after I’ve gone. It puts me in a tough situation really because he will kick off at me. I’d rather get out then arrange with his mum to come back when he isn’t here. I honestly can’t believe I’m in this position as I’m sure everyone else on here does. I’m finding it really hard.

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