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    • #132563
      White walls

      Hello I am new.
      I want to leave tonight I have somewhere to go luckily.
      But I am unemployed currently and need all my belongings.
      But creeping out in the middle of the night as my husband works from home is making this seem impossible also have to take my cat.

      It’s mainly my clothes but all sorts.
      Any advice please he notices everything.

    • #132564

      I’d involve the police. Because once you leave he will make it difficult to take anything. Can you talk to the police and ask that an officer keeps him out of the room while you pack. Explain you fear for your safety and your life. That you’re in a very controlling abusive relationship. Do you have ownership papers for the cat? If not I’d drop the cat at a friends and say it’s going to the vet or if it wanders outside then get it away where he won’t notice in a travel box. Do you have anyone who can come and help you. It’s a very dangerous time when you leave and you need to be careful. You could maybe pack stuff in black bags and say it’s for charity? That would give you a head start. Leave the bags out back or in the car or at a neighbours. Maybe the cat too?

    • #132573

      If you have managed to get away already then we’ll done and the best of luck, enjoy your freedom. If you haven’t then you need to put your most important things in your handbag/backpack and keep it handy. If you have and intend to use a cat carrier then is it possible to put it outside and leave it’s door open. You really need to be prepared to leave everything else and think of it as a bonus if you can get it back. I ended up running out with my bag and my daughter. If you are using a car to leave make sure he can’t block you in easily and lock the doors the moment you get in. Wishing you the best of luck xx

    • #132576

      I hope I haven’t picked this up too late. If you are still at home, try to get your passport, your birth certificate, your NI number and your marriage certificate (if you have one).

      Remember to take any prescription medicines to tide you over until you can get more.

      Your cat, your phone, your certificates and a few clothes are all you need. Everything else can be replaced.

      I found out the other day that there are subscription services that allow him to track you using just your phone number so power your phone down and don’t switch it on again until you have a new number. Block him from all means if contact.

      Good luck. I’ll be thinking of you.

    • #132601
      Main Moderator

      Hi White walls,

      Welcome to the Forum and thank you for posting. I hope you find the forum a safe and supportive place to be with others who understand.

      There is some information in our Survivor’s Handbook about making a safety plan which you might find useful if you haven’t left yet-

      If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open 10am-6pm every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat service here:

      Leaving an abusive relationship is a really risky time for women so please do contact the police if you feel at risk at anytime.

      Do keep posting to let us know how you are when you are able to.

      Best wishes,

      Forum Moderator

      • #134397
        White walls

        Not sure how to reply to you all but thank you for all your kind words of support.
        I didnt go but I have (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ahead of me now to decide.
        Thank you 🙏

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