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    • #123270

      It’s been (detail removed by Moderator) year this year that I have been apart from my ex partner and he still has a hold over my life today and I don’t know how to get out

      I met my ex when I was (detail removed by Moderator) years old and moved in together with him when I was (detail removed by Moderator), he is (detail removed by Moderator) years my elder,

      I never thought about it when we were together but looking back now I feel like I was trapped in the relationship, as I had never lived alone and didn’t know if I could do it alone. I was constantly told I would leave with nothing and I wouldn’t be able to see our nieces and nephews if I did go, he did get violent a few times but luckily the door took the brunt of his anger

      I was able to leave when he was placed on remand for (detail removed by Moderator) months, for (detail removed by Moderator) (not his first offence), one of his offences got me the sack from my job, I stood by him for the first (detail removed by Moderator) offences as I believed what he told me, I did find out that he had been being inappropriate with woman for sometime and the police had interviewed him years before on a few occasions that I was not told about and he kept secret from me

      With him in prison I knew I could live on my own and fend for myself, so I left and started out on my own,

      HOWEVER

      Over the (detail removed by Moderator) years we were together we purchased numerous properties to rent out, which we still have together today, looking back I wasn’t able to challenge what properties we brought and if we were to buy anymore,
      I now find myself (detail removed by Moderator) years on in unsecured debt to the amount of approx. (detail removed by Moderator) and secured debt of approx. (detail removed by Moderator) and it is raising as he doesn’t pay the mortgages and one was repossessed (detail removed by Moderator) which I only found out about by chance

      He cannot re-mortgage and take my name of them as he is an ex criminal and we have a CCJ

      He doesn’t want to sell any of the properties as they are his pension fund

      If I make him sell them and go to court this will cost me in the region of (detail removed by Moderator), I don’t have that kind of money

      And I found out on (detail removed by Moderator) that the house I am renting is being put on the market for sale, so I need to find somewhere else to live, how am I going to get something now that I have a CCJ against my name and I have a little cat

      I feel totally hopeless most of the time, a total failure and I know that if it wasn’t for my mom I probably wouldn’t be here now,

      Does anyone have an experiences like this that could possibly help me, please

    • #123317
      Living Warrior
      Participant

      Hi, I am sorry to hear you are having a terrible time even now. I have no personal experience with this but I just wanted to reply so you felt heard.. if nothing else.
      My advice, may be helpful but it may not be.
      I would get intouch with your local womens aid charity, if you havent done so already. They are there for anyone who has ever been or is in a dv relationship. They also have many experiences to call back on and sign posts to help.
      I know that solicitors helping those of domestic violence can claim certain things on legal aid. Due to dv. Obviously I’m not sure what this covers in full but would be worth a look if it could help. It does seem like he is using the house as leverage over you to keep you tied to him. Like I said, i dont know if that helps.. but that would be the way I’d try and work through it.
      Good luck.

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