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    • #117643
      Sparklejar
      Participant

      Hi,

      I only joined yesterday but have been made to feel very welcome.

      I hope someone can give me some tips? I’m currently visiting one of my parents for a few days without my husband. One of the reasons I came was that I want to tell my parent that I’m very unhappy with my marriage and that he is emotionally abusive.

      I can’t seem to pluck up the courage or find the words just to start a sentence.

      Help!!

    • #117644
      KIP.
      Participant

      You could start with I can’t find to words for this but x is abusive and I’m desperately unhappy. Or write it down in a note and let them read it. Delaying it will just make you more anxious. My mum was fantastic. She already sensed it and was disappointed I hadn’t told her sooner so she could help me.

      • #117645
        Sparklejar
        Participant

        Thank you for such a fast response. I think I need a bit of Dutch courage then I’ll try x

    • #117646
      KIP.
      Participant

      You’ve left him before so I don’t think it will come as a surprise. What do you think is stopping you?

      • #117647
        Sparklejar
        Participant

        Generalised anxiety and brain fog probably.

        I worry people won’t believe me or think that I’m making a mountain out of a molehill.

        I keep taking a deep breath and attempting to speak but not doing it

      • #117649
        Sparklejar
        Participant

        Maybe also because as soon as I do, I know I will have to start facing the music rather than continuing the daily ‘survival’ mode. No more excuses. Does that make sense?

    • #117648
      KIP.
      Participant

      You absolutely will be believed. Not being believed is something we all wrestle with but not one person didn’t believe me. Deep down they will already know x my ex used to tell me all the time that nobody would believe me but I had a huge sense of relief once I spoke out. Abuse thrives on silence. You will probably be emotional saying it buts that’s normal too. Relief x

    • #117650
      Sparklejar
      Participant

      Also, my husband has no idea that I think he’s abusive. His whole family is dysfunctional, but that don’t realise it

    • #117654
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      They will know already.
      They don’t have to wait for you to tell them what they can see themselves.
      So since they already know what else would you like to share with them? Would you like their support? Perhaps just ask them to have your back with whatever you decide to do and however long it will take.
      Know that you don’t have to tell everything in one go. Little by little. And only if and when you like. You don’t have to do anything.
      It does help telling people around you because they can offer practical help such as you could move back with them or they can rent/organise a place to stay for you etc…

    • #117662
      OUTTHEOTHERSIDE
      Participant

      Hi sparklejar. Im in exactly the same position. Trying to work out how i tell my family. Like you say how do you start off ? What do you say? The anxiety of it all being out in the open and the terrifying work begins of trying to get through this nightmare and out the other side .

    • #117665
      KIP.
      Participant

      I’ve no regrets apart from not telling my family sooner. Family want to help and see you happy unlike your abuser.

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