This topic contains 9 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  Yellowflower 2 days, 10 hours ago.

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  • #87850
     Yellowflower 
    Participant

    Recently I started the freedom project. I can highly recommend it. Talking with others and educating myself helps me so much. Then I get told his been seen on a dating site. It’s really hit me. How on earth can he move on this quickly. I had heard he was going out a lot so I was suspicious but to actively go n there to try and meet someone really does hurt. I can’t say how long it’s been on here but I just can’t understand how you can move on that quick. I can’t even bare to be in a room with another man right now. We had children together does that not mean anything to him? He must really have not loved me histo be able to replace me that quickly it makes me feel sick. What’s annoying a it’s making me miss him I hate the thought of him going on dates with people. Girls in our home it’s just devastating and I can’t understand him. The only conclusion I can come to is it was all one big lie he can’t have loved me or have had any respect for me. Just feeling so c****y today sorry to rant ladies. Why do they just get to be ok!

  • #87851
     colouringinfairy 
    Participant

    I saw my ex on a dating site (detail removed by moderator) – it’s been (detail removed by moderator) since we broke up, and tbf I’ve dated and am on the (detail removed by moderator) – but it still sucks to see. Especially when he said he would take time to work on himself and sort his issues out! For me, I was (wrongly) on a dating app within (detail removed by moderator) of our break up. It doesn’t mean I don’t care, but just trying to fill a void. Abusers are rubbish people, this we know, but there could be all manner of reasons and he could just be trying to move on quickly (possibly even before you do). It’s not always so black and white. Men often mask things and try to run from their feelings by finding a substitute (hell, even I do it), it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you and that you mean nothing to him. I still love my ex but I just really want to move on. Sometimes it can be as simple as that, but it’s still never an easy thing to see/hear 🙁 x

     

     

     

  • #87864
     Marshmallow 
    Participant

    My ex left the house at the start of the month and was with someone else by the end of it. It seems to be part of a pattern of abuse and how they operate.

  • #87867
     EbonyRaven 
    Participant

    They can’t handle being alone with themselves. They need someone around to absorb their awfulness.

  • #87901
     fizzylem 
    Participant

    Because they like having someone, anyone to make life easier for them; a woman cooks and takes good care of him, picks up the responsibilties he has no desire to deal with; having a steady partner to have regular sex with is also a big draw, less effort, means it’s mostly avaialble to him. We are a supply for him only, meaning once he realises he’s used up this supply he’s onto the next. Sounds cold and callous, that’s because it is. There was never an attachment there for him – he did not feel the same way about you as you did about him. (detail removed by moderator). It’s horrid to recognise when standing in the cold light of day isn’t it – but also incredibly useful, helps you to spot another, helps you to find your truth, step out of the illusions he created for his game. Doesn’t mean you didn’t try to love him, means he is unlovable and can not love x

  • #87904
     Escapee 
    Participant

    They need ‘feeding’ – that’s all it is. Please don’t dwell on it, he’s not worth it.

    When you’re feeling torn up just remember some of the things he said, did or made you do, and say to yourself – thank God that’s not me anymore! Xxxx

  • #87965
     Yellowflower 
    Participant

    I think it’s just so hard to get my head around. I gave that man all i could I gave him a family. I walked away because I couldn’t help him I couldn’t get him to stop. I thought walking away would give him that shock and I thought he would contact me and say how much he misses me, how much he loves me and most importantly try and get help. Instead his back dating doing god knows what. It just hurts so deep that I wasn’t enough for him to change. There’s no way he could have loved me because you can’t just replace someone like that. I just don’t understand it all. It’s sad it really is I was never enough xx

  • #87970
     Escapee 
    Participant

    Please don’t see this as a reflection of you. Nothing about these men are normal.

    No amount of your love or devotion would have ever fixed him – ever.

    Please remember that they think it’s everyone else that are the problem. They’re alright Jack, it’s others fault for not getting it right – what a load of rubbish!!

    Don’t go looking for clues as to what he’s doing and if he delights in telling you himself, don’t react, just say in a very nuetral tone ‘Thats nice’ and close the door – both literally and figuratively!

    Big hugs xxxxx

  • #88039
     Lavenderrose 
    Participant

    I completely get how you are feeling. It’s really hard to just move on despite knowing the relationship wasn’t right and that it wouldn’t change.
    What’s the freedom program? I’m really struggling to get over him the last fees days. I too have children and I feel like my life has ended.
    Don’t think anyone really understands how difficult it is to just move on. I want my life to be back on track x

  • #88045
     Yellowflower 
    Participant

    The freedom programme is brilliant google it. It’s a programme following the different types of abuse. It’s to help recognise the things he did and to help prepare you for the future so we never meet someone like them again! It’s so good to sit with a group of ladies who just get it.I think friends just think why does she not hate him? A friend told me about him being back on a dating site and she thought it would make me hate him for moving on so quick. Yes part of me does but the other part of me just cannot stand the thought of anyone near him and miss the man he could be at times. I can’t stand the thought of him being with someone like that. I can’t say on here how long it’s been but it’s not long at all and that just hurts deep how can he just forget us our family our livesX I wonder though what will ever make him change. As I’m sure you did we make these men our everything. We give them all we can we have their children and it’s still not enough. I think even if I was a world class model and a perfect housewife who never uttered a word to him he still wouldn’t be happy. It’s just sad it really is that they can’t see what they had and what they’ve lost. I hope your ok I know the pain is unbearable and so hard to put a brave face on for your children. But we’re doing it and their love in unconditional no one can take that away from you. Big hugs. Pm me if you ever want to chat xx

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