4th October 2020 at 6:36 pm #114695CamattyParticipant
I have been apart from my husband for (detail removed by Moderator) weeks now, and he’s constantly texting me from the minute I’m up till bed, then phoning and it’s constant crying pleading to let him back, I know after many attempts to try and make it better it won’t work, he comes to my window my back door! I don’t know what to do, it’s been a very controlling (detail removed by Moderator) yrs together, and every time he phoned or turns up, it puts me on edge.
How can I begin to live a free life of peace when this is happening?
4th October 2020 at 9:27 pm #114700WaterspriteParticipant
Hello Camatty – the honest answer is you can’t live in peace with this going on you have done amazing in splitting up and seeing that he will never change. You are so right and also that it is difficult to heal when faced with this harassment and that is exactly what it is. You deserve peace and a future without this. If you have requested home not to contact and he continues he is breaking the law and you can ask police to assist. I suggest you block him. If he continues police or the civil route of a non molestation order. I got one through NCDV – have a google and call them. Ask women’s aid for support. Keep going and if you feel in danger call police. You’ve done the hardest bit – keep moving forwards it’s a journey but you are on your way – power to you x
5th October 2020 at 4:14 am #114702KIP.Participant
Hi, this is the most dangerous time for women when they leave an abusive relationship. I’d call the police right away. He’s ignoring your boundaries and his harrassment is getting worse. Building up a rage inside him. Contact your local women’s aid too for support and safety measures. This behaviour is very typical of an abuser. Trying to regain control. It very often will escalate to violence. Have you spoken to a solicitor about your situation. Most offer free Initial legal Consultation. If he still has rights to the home you’re in then you will possibly need an occupation order to keep him out. Otherwise legally he may be able to walk straight back in. It’s important that you inform the police and keep any evidence you can. Texts, emails, calls, and keep a detailed diary/journal. I know it might feel drastic involving the police but this is the time to do so. Ask for the domestic abuse unit. I’d change my number too. That way you can have a bit of peace. Ask a friend or family member to act as a go between for any legal issues. Inform him once of what’s happening and then don’t respond to anything else from him. Keep,your phone on you at all times, fully charged. If you have a car, always reverse into the drive so your car is facing out. Check all the locks on doors and windows and if he has keys then get the locks changed. Contact your local women’s aid too ASAP x
5th October 2020 at 11:16 am #114705Dolly2019Participant
This is very hard to deal with. Each time I tried to break up with my bf, he would spend hours in the garden, by the back door, looking through the kitchen window, talking through the cat flap, the letterbox, then he climbed in through my broken (detail removed by Moderator) window, at least (detail removed by Moderator) times.
The only way you can address this (and I haven’t done it yet as I am still struggling with the FOG) is a non molestation order. You can apply online yourself free of charge I believe. You just need to prepare a statement with accounts of what he has done and why it is urgent. With good reason the Order will be granted with immediate effect and I believe holds for 1 year.
I agree with other posters on here about checking his home rights. My ex husband had a right to stay in the home until the divorce was final because I couldn’t prove violence grave enough to get him out. The judge deemed mental cruelty a subjective matter and wouldn’t ask him to go. They take a different approach to harassment or threats to safety.
You may have to bite the bullet on this and involve the police. If you do get referred to DV, they will act on it as harassment is an offence. Just make sure you say very clearly “please stop calling or texting me or showing up.” If you repeat that message and he keeps pestering you, they can and probably will arrest him. Then he may be cautioned or charged.
The question then becomes whether he will observe any bail conditions (if given) or if he disregards the police completely.
But yes, you will likely need to take this step or both.
Best of luck and we are all here to help support you. X
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