How do you leave an abuser who is unemployed and disabled?

[ILoveCats]

Hi all

I know leaving the relationship with my toddler would be best for both of us, but how do I get over the guilt?

I haven’t really felt in love with my partner for ages but I think I’ve stayed out of pity.

I know I don’t even need a reason to leave if our relationship isn’t working but because my partner has mental health problems I do all the mental load and admin for us both. To be honest I’m not sure if they can’t do this stuff because of their issues or if they just can’t be bothered as they lived at home with a parent before our relationship started so they’ve never had to do anything adult for themself.

Any advice or experience on getting past the guilt and going through with a plan to leave? Also I never get time away from them except for things I need to do such as collecting shopping.

[Statshine]

Hi

It’s hard, I understand your worries, he is not your responsibility is the first thing you need to remember, anyone who thinks badly of you is not your friend and can take care of him then.

I’m struggling to get time away to sort myself out for the same reason. I am never alone.

You do the life admin if he doesn’t have access to it separate it out so your stuff is separate. Are you leaving if you are webchat women’s aid for adviyon how to, (removed by Moderator).

Keep posting it helps

[ILoveCats]

Thanks for replying. I know he isn’t I just can’t help feeling like he won’t cope without me because of his anxiety and physical problems it causes, his family is messed up and he isn’t really close to any of them anymore, he barely has any friends and never sees them. Essentially he relies on me for socialising and regulating, I can’t not help people so he obviously took full advantage of that early on.

It feels like he’ll either do something awful to himself (he’s never attempted, just said it a lot) or will completely turn on me for “abandoning him” and “taking his child away,’ I know how two faced he is and always trying to get me to agree with his opinions about other people so I can only guess what he would say about me (or maybe already has for all I know).

In the past when we’ve got into bad arguments and I’ve threatened to leave he will immediately be sorry and sad and will cry. The pressure would be immense.

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