How do you make people understand you are not an abuser rather your being abused

[scarlet herring]

Iv had over (detail removed by moderator) of my ex husband telling people I abuse him. It started almost as soon as I married him with him telling both men and women he wanted to get sympathy and maybe into bed that he was abused and even separated although we were living together. Often he will accuse me of a (detail removed by moderator) against him which alerts me to what he is going to do to me next. His social worker, probation officer and others eagly lap up his easily disprovable stories about me and in turn pass on his lies to others. Iv been refused help by local support groups funded by the same county council his social worker comes from. Likewise the police will not take action over the financial abuse he is inflicting on me. While I was (detail removed by moderator) but the police did little or nothing and one officer blamed me for the theft as I associated with low lifes which I certainly don’t do.Ex keps giving large sums of money to his friends so he can force me to pay his bills. He has even used my credit card to pay one of his bills (detail removed by moderator) but told me not to boother reporting it to the police as he would say I had given him my card and allowed him to use it, changed my mind and was now trying to get him in trouble. Unfortunately I am sure the police as normal would do nothing. I want rid of ex but it would mean losing my home, business and all I have worked for through out my life.How ever hard I try to disconnect exs finances from mine his social worker encourages him to stop me. Has anyone any suggestions how to prove what ex is doing, how to stop him and how to get help and support to get my life back
Im disabled so ex has me over a barrell as I cant walk my 2 (detail removed by moderator) dogs. If I get a dog walker he warns them of by saying I will not pay them.If I try to get the dogs rehomed then he tells my son Im threatening to kill the family pets.Needless to say he has threatened to kill the pets numerous times.His social worker wrote in her report ex was devored to the family pets!!!

[Lisa]

Good morning Scarlet Herring,

I’m so sorry to hear about what you’re going through. Abusers are often very manipulative, and sometimes manage to convince professionals and even friends or family that they are the victim rather than the abuser. It’s a common tactic of control and makes us feel more alone, isolated, and less likely to be believed when disclosing what is actually happening.

There is an organisation called the DAME Project who specialise in financial abuse, there is more information about them here. You could also contact the Rights of Women if you are in need of free legal advice.
You could also get in touch with your local specialist domestic abuse service, who can be found here.

I hope you get the support you need.

Take care and keep posting.

Lisa

[fizzylem]

Can relate SH, they spin a web of lies don’t they, always playing the victim, it’s so so hard to deal with, some poeple seem to believe them, even though theyve never seen a thing, they are played and sooner or later this can bite.

At the very least I would log what has happened with the credit card with the cc company and ask if there is anything they can do – or can do moving forwards re security.

You need to getaway from this man, he sounds dreadful. I manage by always staying in my truth and I ignore his rubbish, I dont react or buy into it these days at all – see if for what it is, but yes, every so often I am forced into dealing with the mess he has created like you, because he pulls me into it by involving others.

Could staying with family be an option?

[fizzylem]

Have you told the GP what is happening?

[Author]

Posts