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    • #128804
      Jessy123
      Participant

      My father is a narcissistic alcoholic and has been for the passed (detail removed by moderator) at least. He is a champion at gaslighting and I have spent too many years questioning my sanity and struggling with self esteem as a result of his behaviour.

      As a new mum I saw the birth of his grandchild as a chance for a new beginning, a chance for us to start over and forget the pain I’ve carried for (detail removed by moderator). For a few weeks it seemed to be working.

      However (detail removed by moderator), out of the blue my dad took to social media to attack my partner of (detail removed by moderator) and questioned his parenting?! He then went for him again (detail removed by moderator) later.

      My partner rightly so has told him where to go and I backed him up as my dad was clearly way out of line. I havent made contact with my parents since the incident.

      The problem now is neither of them have reached out to apologise or try to make amends. Both I know will have already brushed the incident aside as if it wasn’t that bad and will be waiting for us to get in touch to make the situation right. (Historically he would bully us into forgiving him or convince me it was my fault)

      I find myself caught in the familiar place where I feel totally upset and awkward aswell as riddled with guilt for not talking to them but I know it isn’t my responsibility to fix things.

      Does anyone else have a similar experience? How when you’ve been conditioned your whole life to ignore your pain in favour of pleasing your parents do you stand strong in your convictions?

    • #128806
      KIP.
      Participant

      Draw on the strength from your own family now. Sadly these men never change and he is not your responsibility. He has no right to be in your life and being biologically related means nothing when dealing with abusers. Have you ever had counselling? It would be worth getting some good counselling. You don’t need him in your life when he constantly undermines you and tries to ruin your relationship and such a precious time. You can bet he will treat your child just like he did you so keep the little one safe x enjoy the peace and quiet and calmness and use therapy to deal with your attachment issues x I’m estranged from my son and my sister because after counselling I understood how people in my life including my ex had treated me so cruelly yet I accepted it as normal when it simply isn’t. You need to be happy and positive for your child and not be dragged down x

    • #128807
      gettingtired
      Participant

      I had a similar experience with my Dad once, I ended up not seeing him for (detail removed by moderator) although we did speak on the phone. He eventually went back to talking to me normally but he didn’t ever actually genuinely apologise. He sort of wanted an apology from me (for my apparent part in the fall out) for him to apologise as well. T*t for tat which is how it usually is with him.
      I guess it depends on whether or not you want to cut him out for good or continue a relationship with boundaries in place. Dr Ramani does some good youtube videos on keeping a n********t at arm’s length if you have to maintain contact with them x

    • #128815
      Auriel
      Participant

      Jessy123 yes cos I was conditioned growing up to accept abuse as normal cos I didn’t know anything else then one after the other it was like abuser after abuser if it wasn’t for the freedom programme I wouldn’t have know I’d been abused the whole time and also googling then realising I’d had npd’s aspd’s high Mach’s, sociopaths and maybe even psychopathic people around me the whole time, I went no contact with my family + feel so much better despite the character assassination that bit wasn’t funny, if it does anything it gives you a thicker skin

    • #128854
      Jessy123
      Participant

      Thank you all so kindly for your suggestions and support. Knowing I’m not alone in this experience is uplifting. I will check out the channels youve each put forward.

    • #128859
      Eggshells
      Participant

      I would say that if he’s out of your life, enjoy the oracle and try to keep him out if your life.

      Eventually he’ll cone back offering the olive branch. Keep him at arms length. He’s not good for you or your child.

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